Highlights
This Is What Money Has To Do With Love.
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Overwhelming financial concerns sometimes create strains that affect the expression of our love, not always because we want to be materialistic or selfish, but because we innately desire an all round stability in our relationships. The extent we can go to meet this need and the maturity at handling associated issues however differs. Various statistics are showing that financial concerns rank one of the five top reasons for divorce and one of the top causes of conflicts and disputes in marriages.
More than ever before, money plays an important role in marriages, today’s world is fast paced and the status of an individual and the opportunities available to them is increasingly being determined by how much money they earn. There is a strong pursuit for prettier, bigger, flashier and costlier things of life, and a lack of the ability to keep abreast with peers may cause a lot of stress on the married life of any two people.
When financial needs becomes unmet and expectations do not match up, there may be persistent personal conflict and resentment without regards for how the other person feels or how it affects the relationship. This dissatisfaction and frustration can make love to become sour.
In such situations, whether you choose to opt out or decide to stick through the financially challenged relationship, the truth is you will have to make choices that demand sacrifice. There may not be the desired financial buoyancy now, but is there love, teamwork, focus, determination and hard work towards success? Is it possible to hold up faith for a breakthrough?
If you think your relationship is worth rescuing from the claws of financial tension, here are five recommended ways you can work it out;
Be On The Same Page : Communicate clearly to each other about your fears and concerns for your finances and together analyze your financial situation and agree on the financial future you want for yourselves. It is important that you both understand each other’s financial expectations.
Have a Game Plan : Strategize on how you want to achieve your financial dreams, don’t just wish and desire, you need to map out a practical and realistic way for you to make enough money for the kind of life you desire and to stay out of debt. Devise ways that can work best for you both. For instance, you can decide to work two jobs instead of one, or you may decide to relocate to another state where you can have better job prospects.
Make No Room For The Lazy One: It could be really frustrating to have a laid back partner who isn’t giving 100% commitment to your financial future. You both have to get out of your comfort zones and take actions to make your dreams become reality, discuss and agree on what each person’s contribution to your financial success would be and be committed to it.
Don’t Bite More Than You Can Chew: You will need to curb unnecessary spending, and together set financial priorities, make periodic budgets and stick to it. Don’t accumulate debts and put your financial future in jeopardy because you want to keep up with The Jones’. What is more important? Is it buying a new house or saving up your child’s education? Ask yourselves important questions, be realistic and stay on course.
Let The Owl Do The Night Watch: While both of you should be actively involved in your financial decisions, it is important to let the person who is more competent at handling it take charge. Don’t take it up if you are not disciplined with spending or if you find it difficult to keep account and balance the sheets.
When Lost Ask For Directions: Don’t hesitate to seek professional help and counsel when you think you need to. Remember you are not alone in this situation, there are couples who have been in and out of the financial mess you are. Don’t go through life trying to patch things up when you can get people to help you out. No matter what you are experiencing you can find help somewhere. Never wait till when the things eats you up and gets out of control before you call out for help, it might be too late. Take the bull by the horn, be equipped with the right knowledge and support from people who know about it. You don’t have answers to everything.
Photo Credit – Darryl Estrine/gettyimages
Tagged everydayliving, pillowtalk, Relationships, Shola Okubote
ayobolaAug 24, 2010 at 11:04 am
nice 1. nice 1. nice 1. i had my pen and paper and i took in every point.
nice 1. nice 1. nice 1.
tolulopeAug 30, 2010 at 5:47 am
this is essential , thanks sis.
MODUPSIESep 2, 2010 at 1:26 pm
I tell you…this is truth be told!!!
bolaji oguntimehinSep 2, 2010 at 1:47 pm
lovely! this article will help me in so many ways!
myneSep 2, 2010 at 4:01 pm
This is so true, and I like the pointers at the end.
AyoSep 2, 2010 at 9:13 pm
This is realy what we need cos the demand for money places a question mark on love.
Bisi OluyedeSep 2, 2010 at 11:58 pm
Hmmmm what has money got to do with it? let’s just say a lot!lol
My sister has a way of putting it!
She says money helps express love better…hmmm So like if love is the wheel,money helps grease the wheel to prevent friction!
Great pointers!
Mrs. StewartSep 3, 2010 at 7:54 am
Well written, detailed and precise.
norediaSep 3, 2010 at 10:40 am
Great one here,this serves as a reminder for me. i love the ” let the OWL do the night watch” thing.
Great write up, keep it up sista.
tboySep 7, 2010 at 9:01 am
Nice one…….thanx
toyinSep 9, 2010 at 4:27 am
9ce 1 thx.No Money,No Honey!!!
Unyime-Ivy KingSep 9, 2010 at 9:24 am
This is a nice one. Indeed, money is a sine qua non in marriage but not every one starts out with money. Girls out there need to know that the first thing they should look for in a man they are considering for marriage should not be money. Is he a man with a vision? Is he God fearing and walks his talk? Is he strong in his faith?Is he hardworking and willing to take risks? Does he have a mentor he listens to, or is he the Lord of his life? A hardworking man of faith, with a vision for tomorrow, will make it eventually-God is not unjust.
A lot of times, money troubles arise, when the women-no insults intended-begin to compare themselves to others, and want to have what others have, instead of cutting their coats according to their cloth, and like the article above rightly points out, they begin to feel the pressure to be like others. Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor used to say, “When you see the glory, ask for the story!” You can not tell how much and how long it took some people to have the money and material things that they have today, to spend and enjoy. Some spent some years, toiling, laboring, and sewing. It was not an over night thing. People grow at a different rate financially. My mantra when it comes to finances is that, what you do not have today, you will get tomorrow as long as there is life and you are not a lazy person, ‘cos, there is no food for the lazy man.
I say this with the benefit of hindsight because, i started out 8 years ago, married to a man, who had no penny to his name and all hell broke loose on every side because a lot of people felt i was nuts to take that decision. The story is different today because, i dared to be different by not succumbing to pressure and believe me, we faced pressures that would write a whole book. Today, we are better off, and though we have not arrived financially, we are not where we used to be.
So, ladies, money is really important, but it should not be the most important consideration in choosing a partner, and it should not be allowed to cause problems in your marriage. Join with your hubby to push and you will most certainly get there and study the points in the article above-really useful.
Unyime-Ivy KingSep 9, 2010 at 9:33 am
Sowing, i meant to type-not sewing.
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cathyFeb 9, 2011 at 3:21 pm
eye opener for me.
Olajide-Johnson Abereijo Basirat BlessingMay 2, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Hunm, true talk!