Moving On After Heartbreak

It was Gloria Gaynor who first sang the song “I will Survive” about ended relationships, heart break and how the lady got over it and moved on. This article will also deal with surviving a negative experience in a relationship and the issue of moving on. This is a topic close to my heart because I have witnessed a lot of people who have found it difficult to come into a new life after such an experience. In my book, A Heart to Mend, I wrote about characters who overcame their pasts of adversity to blossom again in love.

I am your quintessential romantic but I do know that love and relationships sometimes are not forever. Some of us have suffered heartbreak. It can hurt as hell; we think our hearts are literally broken and seeping blood into our chest. We feel small, wounded, beaten and left to die. But the truth is that we get over it. It may take some time, it may take some strong words, it may take physical or mental breakdown but in the end, we will overcome. The lady in the song, we will look our heartbreakers in the face and tell them to go eat s**t. We will rave, we will cry, we will weep and mourn the dead relationship. But if we tap into the strength inside each of us, we will recognize when it is time to move on.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book, On death and Dying, listed five stages of grief and loss; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Losing a relationship is a bit like losing someone to death. Most people go through similar cycles and stages as they make their way back to a place of balance for them. They deny that the breakup ever happened; they do not let others know. They boil with anger towards the ex, maintaining that there is no break-up or acting like there wasn’t. They refuse to move out if they were living together; and then begin to give reasons to remain in the relationship.

Even when separation is complete, they still find themselves cooking enough for two, speaking to an empty house, just depressed. Painful right? I agree. It is difficult to think of new beginnings at this point but it is possible. Hear the words of my friend,

“In two months, it will be a year since I broke up with my former fiancé. I have since realized that moving on is a continuous exercise just like the tense.  It’s a lot of on-going hard work.  “Moved on” is the goal towards which I am working.  Each day I am preparing and inching closer to it when I affirm myself and do things that move me towards the goal.  Saying I’ve moved on does not necessarily make it so.  In addition, there is no need for me to flog myself when I feel down because as long as I keep working on it, I will get there. I’m just glad that I’m at the stage where I know myself better.

I have begun to look outwards and forwards. When I make decisions, I think about the type of person I am and who I want to be. I ask myself what type of person I need to be in order to ensure that I am ready for the next stage of my life, possibly with another man. Yes I can think about that now. I invest more in myself and I take care of myself a lot more too nowadays. I know that no amount of denial, bargaining, anger or depression is going to recover my broken relationship. I have accepted that heartbreak as a part of life.  It’s not good or bad…it is just how it is.

So I have decided to keep moving on, to find joy in my life and to bring joy to others. I am dating another guy. It cannot say how long it will last but I really like him and I know he likes me too. I’m taking it a day at a time. The most important thing is; I have survived. I am moving on, I am fine.

Writer – Myne Whitman is the author of A Heart to Mend and blogs at http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/

Photocredit – Sami Sarkis

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