Louise Mitchell: Denying Temptation and Saving Your Marriage
Many of us who have been married understand that day to day life with your spouse can be, at times, boring and frustrating. After the third time you’ve asked him to change the bed linens or clean the bathroom and he’s ignored you, it is easy to want to walk down the street and visit the handsome shopkeeper you have been regularly flirting with. You would not be the first woman to suffer such an inclination, and you certainly will not be the last. However, out of fairness to your husband, your marriage and even to yourself, you must examine the reasons why you are feeling unfulfilled in your marriage and consider what makes you feel justified in contemplating such a rash decision.
Feelings of emotional suffocation and lack of fulfilment in a marriage often come from a lack of communication. Different people communicate love in different ways, and they also need love to be communicated to them in different ways. Your husband may feel that physical affection and sentiment are his way of expressing his love for you, but you express your love for him through practical action and wish he would do the same. Opening a dialogue about this can be difficult, frustrating and, at times, awkward. You do not want to reject your spouse or push away their notion of love, but at the same time, you need to be heard. An open forum for communication is the best remedy for a heart which desires to stray. If the problem can be fixed at home, things can end on a positive note for all involved.
If the temptation to have an affair is coming from a person at your workplace with whom you share close quarters, you might stop to consider what it is about this person that is attracting you. Is it simple physical attraction, or is it something more than that? If you find yourself deeply attracted to a family man, you may be feeling on a subconscious level that he would be a better husband and father than the man you married. Remind yourself that you see this person only in one dimension in the workplace. You do not truly know what it means to be their wife or have them as a father figure to your children. If this individual is courting you or attempting to tempt you, they are engaging in a lecherous behaviour that does not become them and you must make it apparent to them that you should both be focused on your spouses and repairing what is broken in your respective marriages. If this requires requesting to be separated from this individual at the workplace, do so, and if he continues to assert himself towards you in a romantic or sexual manner against your will, notify your superiors of the situation.
It can make you feel like harbouring desire for someone outside your marriage means you are not in love with your husband anymore. Often this is not the case and you are simply craving a little bit of flirtation and fun that seems unavailable to you from your partner. You simply have to find a way of seeing him the way you used to, or the way you see the object of your desire. Your husband is probably still the man that you love and desire but you are not free to express it the way you did when you were first together. In the real world living together can mean discussing bills, in-laws and much more serious and difficult emotional situations than you used to. You may have children too which is a huge change from the couple you used to be.
Quelling the desire to be romantic with someone other than your spouse can sometimes be as simple as finding ways to put the fire back in your marriage. Consider the things you did together when you were dating or first married. Try and plan to do things like that again, even if it means sending the children off for the weekend. Talk to your spouse about what is important to you, how you are feeling and the fact that you would like to re-intensify the bond between the two of you, talking honestly and sharing your feeling is only one aspect though, doing something fun together to bring you together and getting romantic and intimate are all important aspect of rekindling the bonds of love. Chances are that your husband is feeling neglected and frustrated too and making the effort to reconnect is what you both need, your marriage will be stronger than before for certain.
This is a guest post by Louise Mitchell, a relationship expert and she advises couples with relationship troubles as well as helping singles on the ways to find the best partner for them. Louise is currently consulting with Lovestruck.com on their on-line dating site to help singles use a profiling service. It also helps people find specific traits they are looking for in a partner and their perfect match in the singapore singles dating scene.