Marriage
He’s Got No Job, I’ll Marry Him Anyway.
Brenda: I have good news for you!
Chichi: are you serious? What’s the news?
Brenda: I am getting married in September
Chichi: Wow! That’s great news, yay! That’s quite soon, just a month away!
Brenda: Yeah we just decided last week, everything happened so fast.
Chichi: It is absolutely so fast. You have only been dating for few months!
Brenda: that’s true, but you know my clock is ticking. I just thought there is no point waiting when i am convinced i have the right person.
Chichi: Well, I see your reasons. But you told me last month you had some concerns about his financial state.
Brenda: Yeah I was concerned that he doesn’t have a job and has no stable source of income
Chichi: but he has one now?
Brenda: Nope, he lost the last one about a year ago.
Chichi: Hmmmmn. But why don’t you wait for him to get a job and have a stable income before you have the wedding. You have only been dating for six months.
Brenda: he has a lot of potential to achieve great things in life; it’s just a matter of time. I know he will get a good job soon.
Chichi: Brenda, millions of people have potentials. Potentials don’t automatically translate to success, if so everyone will be successful.
Brenda: So what are you saying now, that I should not marry him because he is not rich? You know how long I have been waiting for a man to call my husband.
Chichi: wow! I am sorry if it sounds like that, that’s not my intention. It is nothing personal against him; I am just concerned about you. I know you don’t earn a lot of money and I don’t want you to start a marriage with so much financial stress. He doesn’t have to be rich; he just needs to have a stable source of income like you. You will enjoy your marriage better.
Brenda: I am sure we can handle it.
Chichi: so you will be financially responsible for the wedding and even for life after the marriage? Are you sure you can handle that?
Brenda: it’s easy for you to say these things because you are now financially stable. But we all know your husband didn’t have anything when you got married.
Chichi: Yes, we had no financial plan when we got married, but our marriage, lives and even children suffered for it. That’s why I am telling you this now; you can spare yourself the heartache. You don’t want to be miserable like I was.
Brenda: your being miserable had nothing to do with money. Money can’t buy happiness.
Chichi: I agree with you. Money can’t buy happiness but poverty can’t buy it either. At least money can buy other things like shelter, paid bills, school fees for your kids. Poverty buys nothing but misery.
Brenda: We love ourselves to bits and as far as I am concerned that’s all that matters, we can conquer anything else.
Chichi: it seems I have upset you, I am sorry if I said the wrong things. Let’s talk about the wedding plans.
Brenda: I have to go now, I will call you later.
Tagged Highlights, marriage and finance
Nwadike Okechukwu VictorJan 18, 2012 at 9:05 am
Good discussion, I Believe with God all things are possible.
downtheaisleJan 18, 2012 at 10:59 am
with God all things are possible, but a stable source of income for the home is VERY important even if it is not something huge.
unidentified..Jan 18, 2012 at 3:06 pm
this reeks of desperation it’s disgusting.. I have no sympathy.
JayJan 18, 2012 at 3:32 pm
A man who can’t provide for his family is worse than an infidel .. So says d Bible.
AbimJan 18, 2012 at 9:19 pm
I am, by and large, a realist. Love is great to have but in a marriage, a couple need more than love to get through. Love and marriage are two different things: you can share love without a marriage, and you can have a marriage with no love. The realist in me would say to any couple in this situation to put their finances in order first. Marriage equals shared responsibilities which isn’t always true for love.
The romantic in me will say “love conquers all”, but the realist in me has dominance over my inner romantic.
Adunola 'Winnie Winnie' AjuwonJan 19, 2012 at 10:32 am
I think that this is a perfect example of many women's thinking in Nigeria that a husband is more important than financial security. Many women forget after marriage that they made this choice and the resentment of not having a secure financial background begins to eat at tue marriage.
More women should be honest with themselves as to what they want in a marriage and based on that make their decision.
As for God providing, he already did, he gave us everything we will ever need, empowered us and askes us to go and live our lives. God is not coming down to earth to rescue anybody
Gbemisola BoyedeJan 19, 2012 at 2:39 pm
I say please postphone the wedding until the job comes. you may not understand but ask those who have gone that route before; you will eat all your sweet words when debts begin to stare you in the face and you will loose all your respect for him. God made men to be providers for their home; don't usurp that rolejust to fulfill your dream of getting married. A word is enough for the wise.
Ema LeeciousJan 19, 2012 at 6:35 pm
Eya, I really feel sorry for Brenda..such an Idealist! I hope I am not sounding judgemental, but that’s the truth. She should wait for him to get a job, get stable financially and see his “true colours”. That way, she will know if he is really all he claims. My mom told me this- Poverty humbles everyone…
I sincerely hoe he doesn’t change when he “makes it” and that her love for him can withstand all circumstances!
Adebola Ayodeji-AjiboyeJan 30, 2012 at 3:42 pm
first and foremost, I didn't know femme lounge was back.probably cuz I was on leave myself. well, well, well, 1st, the man may not be destined for a pay-job but a business can do. I know people who are prospering that way and before the wedding. on a personal note, I don't think job security will answer all questions? what if he loses his job a week after the wedding? what should be looked out for is if he is ready to work and makes moves in that direction. besides, the wife can help him search and also develop a business for them. and once they are not greedy they will not build up unnecessary debts.
TennyholaMar 15, 2012 at 7:57 pm
pathetic
IfyteryMar 16, 2012 at 11:15 am
Why would she want to put herself into trauma, worthless endurance and pain. This is the height of negligence. A friend, who had a good job got married to someone who earned 40,000 out of love pity and marriage eagerness, which its under the canopy of “e go better” If we evaluate the money and excuses properly, it would never sustain an early marriage. Ladies should be wise before saying “i do”. Poverty and endurance kills the real essence of marriage.
opeloyeru adewaleMay 26, 2012 at 8:28 am
a real woman will work with her man to ensure their goals are achieved. u need to be on a safer side as a woman but u also need to use ur head. make sure he is not drifting to nowhere but ensure he has goals and vision, highly spirited and focused. then give him ur emotional support. dont marry him until he starts gaining his financial strenght but motivate him to reach for his goals. i wonder what those ladies that said no to steve jobs not because they dont like him but because of the physical would be feeling.
patriciaJun 5, 2012 at 11:02 am
Marriage by force has become a social norm in Nigeria for women and bcos men know that women will put up with anytin from a man jst to get married the men no longer bother with anytin just sit on their asses and hv women feed, house and clothe them. Its jst a shame