Marrying Timothy Matthews

Posted on 05. Jun, 2010 by Lounge Lady in weddings

Long before Mr E and I got together, my girlfriend, SB used to joke that I would end up with ‘Timothy Matthews’ because of how little I knew about Nigerian culture.

Timothy Matthews was the name we gave to the Oyibo man and all that came with it.

I was born in England and have lived here all my life. I have only visited Nigeria once, when I celebrated my first birthday and have vague memories of the trip. Mr E was born in Nigeria and has lived there all his life. He came to the UK to study and has been here ever since.

One of my dear readers recently sent me an email asking whether we faced any challenges given our cultural differences. Interesting question!

Growing up I often felt like a coconut {black on the outside and white on the inside}. I knew I wasn’t white but I didn’t have a lot of external black influences outside of my family and OFNC. My parents were great in telling us about Nigeria, teaching us some of the language and cooking the food etc but it wasn’t the same.

I was one of three black people at school and given that one of the other people was my sister, that’s not a lot of black people!. We went to a white church and I mainly had all white friends. {Side Note: Ever see that episode in Desperate Housewives when Gaby’s daughter Juanita doesn’t realise that she is Mexican. Carlos and Gaby can’t understand why, but then look around Wisteria lane and all they see are Caucasians.}

It wasn’t until I left university that I began to have more black people in my social circle. I joined a black church and was shocked when SB, who is Jamaican knew more about my culture than I did. Hence the term Timothy Matthews. It was at that point that I knew I needed to re-engage with who I was and learn more about my roots.

Over the last few years, I have gradually learned to make the dishes {still lots to learn but we’re getting there}, have started to build my gele and ankara collection and know how to have a basic conversation in Igbo. I love our culture, our food, our clothing, our hospitality and while there are still many things I am learning I am enjoying being a ‘student’. I look forward to the day when I can speak Igbo fluently.

Mr E came to the UK and had to become accustomed to a different way of life too. No more house girls, no more drivers. He went to university and had to learn how to cook for himself, something that would be unheard of for a man in Nigeria. But he dealt with it and adjusted.

Despite our obvious cultural differences, Mr E and I discovered we had very similar upbringing because essentially Christianity came before culture. We both always went to church and Sunday school, learnt about the bible from an early age and each always prayed as a family. We were both taught about Godly values and we both grew up on Salty and Kids Praise, Sound of Music and the King and I. We both came from homes where education and integrity was important. But fundamentally God was the foundation and that has helped to provide common ground as we start to build our home.

Comparing the two cultures. The Nigerian way is all about reaching out and connecting. You know you can always stop by a Nigerian’s house and there will always be food. You will always be welcome and you don’t even need to give notice! The English way is much more reserved, often insular, as if in a way people are too afraid to reach out. There is no way you could rock up without seeking permission for your visit beforehand.

The Nigerian way is very lassez faire and BPT {black people time} rules the day, whereas the western way, time is money and people like to compartmentalise things.

Family and community is everything is Nigeria, hence why our weddings are enjoyed by all whether or not you have an invitation. The guest list often exceeds 300+, but in England anything more than 80 is classed as a ‘large’ wedding.

In a society where the world is getting smaller and we mix with so many different cultures on a daily basis, from Day 1, Mr E and I want our children to know where they come from and to visit Nigeria frequently. We want them to be able to understand and speak Igbo, enjoy the food and know their roots, at the same time still appreciating the positive aspects of British culture.

I firmly believe it’s about having a good level of understanding of who you are and getting the best from both worlds.

What cultural differences do you and your significant other share and how are you tackling them?

Writer : Chichi is a twenty-something Christian woman who is getting married to an amazing man {Mr E} and they are currently planning their June wedding as they prepare to spend the rest of their lives together. She blogs at www.fromnowtillido.com

Photo Credit  – Image Source

6 Ways To Be A Happy Bride!

Posted on 05. Mar, 2010 by Lounge Lady in weddings

Nobody plans to be bad-tempered, or grumpy on their wedding day, yet we see them often – the unpleasant, difficult and perfectionist bride who holds family, friends and especially wedding vendors to ransom, all in the name of having a perfect wedding.

Planning a wedding rouses a cocktail of emotions capable of making you mutate into a Bridezilla, so before your wedding, take some time to reflect and ask yourself, what kind of bride you want to be. Will the Bridezilla awaken in you?  It’s your choice.  Be the bride you want to be with these tips;

Delegate

Acknowledge the fact that you can’t do everything by yourself,  so delegate every aspect of the wedding to people who can take care of things, while you are busy being the bride. Trying to be involved in everything on your big day will only leave you overwhelmed and cranky.

Plan, Plan and Plan.

Don’t leave any stone unturned about the necessary arrangement for the wedding; make sure you crosscheck your checklists few days before the wedding to be sure you didn’t leave anything out. Also be on the same page with your vendors to avoid any surprises that may ruin your mood, be sure they understand exactly what you want and that they have the expertise to deliver their services with professionalism.

Surround Yourself With Positive People.

From your bridal train to the friends that will be around you, make sure they are truly happy for you and will do anything to make the day a success. Enlist solid friends to be by your side, friends that will protect you from negative and pessimistic people who can rouse the bridezilla in you with their attitudes and comments. Your girlfriends should put themselves second on your wedding day, so they can be there for you 100%.

It’s Your Day, Enjoy It

Don’t be nervous and fidgety; because your friend’s wedding cake collapsed doesn’t mean yours will. And in case something goes wrong accept the fact that no matter how checked-off your to-do list is, sometimes surprises are inevitable. Let go of your perfectionism and be delighted by spontaneity, be peaceful be calm, and have great fun.

Be Comfortable

You should never take your comfort for granted when shopping for your wedding dress, shoes and other accessories. When you are convinced on the cuts, fabrics, styles and colors that will enhance your figure and make you feel great, go for it. Don’t allow someone to talk you out of what works best for you and think twice before you make compromises. It is very important that you feel comfortable on your wedding day; it will be a lot more exciting when you are in a high spirit and you feel really good about yourself.

Refresh

When you are planning your wedding you will have an overwhelming list of what to do, and because you are trying to do as much as you can in a short while, it could leave you exhausted. Don’t go on with that feeling of exhaustion. No matter how tight your schedule is, find a peaceful and private time to be alone with yourself. Spend time alone to refuel your spirit, think, meditate, pray, and escape from the stress of planning the wedding

Re-assure yourself of your  goals and what you want to achieve, you will sure feel refreshed and energized ready to face your big day with inner joy. Carving out time for a ‘quiet time’ can seem an unattainable luxury, yet it is within your grasps if you really want it.

Source –   Femme Lounge Library

How to Plan a Bridal Shower

Posted on 19. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in HOW?

Someone you know is getting married, and you want to throw her a bridal shower.  Perhaps you have no idea where to begin. Not to worry. The most essential part of a successful bridal shower is the planning. A well thought out plan of attack will spare you the stress and headache of worrying about the proper thing to do at the last minute. This article will walk you through the process painlessly. Following these simple steps to planning your bridal shower will ensure you have a great time, and it will make sure the bride does, too.

Step 1

Make a budget. To make sure you don’t go overboard with the spending, especially if money is an issue, it is always a good idea to make out a budget first. Decide how much money you can spend on each component of the shower.

Step 2

Create a guest list and send out the invitations. This will be one of the first things you will need to do. Send out the invitations at least 4 weeks before the shower. You need to give them adequate time to R.S.V.P.

Step 3

Pick a theme. You could just do a basic bridal shower or have a themed one. You are only limited by your imagination. It’s best to pick a theme that suits the bride’s personality and interests. Some popular themes are: lingerie theme, international theme, pajama party theme, and tea party theme. Whatever theme you decide on, make sure it would be one that the bride-to-be would enjoy. After all, it is her shower!

Step 4

Plan the menu. Now it is time to decide what you want to feed the guests. If money is no object, have her favorite restaurant cater the affair. If your means are a bit more limited, have her friends and family pitch in to make her favorite foods. Surprise her with a customized feast.

Step 5

Pick a bridal shower cake. While not as important as the wedding cake, you should put some thought into the bridal shower cake. If possible, try to have a cake that matches your shower theme. Find out the bride’s favorite flavor of cake if you don’t already know it. If you are ordering the cake from a bakery, make sure you order early enough to ensure it is ready. If you decide to make it yourself, make sure you schedule enough time to get it done.

Step 6

Make some creative party favors! Have some little trinkets for the guests to take home and some prizes for the games. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Acquire some potpourri, a flower vase, candles or even candy. Just a little something to say thanks for coming will be met with appreciation by your guests.

Step 7

Play bridal shower games. It wouldn’t be a bridal shower without the games! Some popular games are the bell game, how well do you know the bride and the dress game. The bell game is played by having all of the guests where a bell around their necks. Whenever they are caught saying the bride or groom’s name, someone can take the bell away from them. The person with the most bells wins a prize. For how well do you know the bride, you are asked questions about the bride such as her favorite color or favorite food. A prize goes to the person able to answer the most questions. For the dress game, each guest guesses how many times the bride has tried on her dress. The person closest to the number wins.

Tips & Warnings

Planning a bridal shower doesn’t have to be stressful. Ask for help. You don’t have to take on everything by yourself!

Don’t do anything that makes the bride feel uncomfortable. Keep the shower tailored to the bride’s tastes only.

Writer – Debra Cox, eHow.