Love; What Money Has To Do With It.

Posted on 21. Aug, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Pillow Talk

Overwhelming financial concerns sometimes create strains that affect the expression of our love, not always because we want to be materialistic or selfish, but because we innately desire an all round stability in our relationships. The extent we can go to meet this need and the maturity at handling associated issues however differs. Various statistics are showing that financial concerns rank one of the five top reasons for divorce and one of the top causes of conflicts and disputes in marriages.

More than ever before, money plays an important role in marriages, today’s world is fast paced and the status of an individual and the opportunities available to them is increasingly being determined by material wealth. There is a strong pursuit for prettier, bigger, flashier and costlier things of life, and a lack of the ability to keep abreast with peers in this regard may cause unnecessary stress on the married life of any two people.

When financial needs becomes unmet and expectations do not match up, it could cause persistent personal conflict and resentment that could then inspire a pursuit of independent dreams, without regards for what the other person feels or how it affects their relationship. Because one wants what the other doesn’t, there will be dissatisfaction and frustration, and love will become sour.

In such situations, whether we choose to independently pursue our dreams or decide to stick through the financially challenged relationship, the truth is we will have to make choices that demand sacrifice. There may not be the desired financial buoyancy now, but is there love, teamwork, focus, determination and hard work towards success? Is it possible to hold up faith for a breakthrough?

If you think your relationship is worth rescuing from the claws of financial tension, here are five recommended ways you can work it out;

Be On The Same Page

Communicate clearly to each other about your fears and concerns for your finances and together analyze your financial situation and agree on the financial future you want for yourselves. It is important that you both understand each other’s financial expectations.

Have a Game Plan

Strategize on how you want to achieve your financial dreams, don’t just wish and desire, you need to map out a practical and realistic way for you to make enough money for the kind of life you desire and to stay out of debt. Devise ways that can work best for you both. For instance, you can decide to work two jobs instead of one, or you may decide to relocate to another state where you can have better job prospects.

Make No Room For The Lazy One

It could be really frustrating to have a laid back partner who isn’t giving 100% commitment to your financial future. You both have to get out of your comfort zones and take actions to make your dreams become reality, discuss and agree on what each person’s contribution to your financial success would be and be committed to it.

Don’t Bite More Than You Can Chew

You will need to curb unnecessary spending, and together set financial priorities, make periodic budgets and stick to it. Don’t accumulate debts and put your financial future in jeopardy because you want to keep up with The Jones’. What is more important? Is it buying a new house or saving up your child’s education? Ask yourselves important questions, be realistic and stay on course.

Let The Owl Do The Night Watch

While both of you should be actively involved in your financial decisions, it is important to let the person who is more competent at handling it take charge. Don’t take it up if you are not disciplined with spending or if you find it difficult to keep account and balance the sheets.

When Lost Ask For Directions

Don’t hesitate to seek professional help and counsel when you think you need to. Remember you are not alone in this situation, there are couples who have been in and out of the financial mess you are. Don’t go through life trying to patch things up when you can get people to help you out. No matter what you are experiencing you can find help somewhere. Never wait till when the things eats you up and gets out of control before you call out for help, it might be too late. Take the bull by the horn, be equipped with the right knowledge and support from people who know about it. You don’t have answers to everything.

Writer – Shola Okubote

Photo Credit – Ojo Images

When Your Man Is Impotent ……

Posted on 15. Aug, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Pillow Talk

Male impotence, transient erectile problems and premature ejaculation can occur at some time or other in all relationships. When this happens it not only affects the man, but also the woman feels distress. Any sexual dysfunction, including premature ejaculation can deprive the woman of sexual pleasure and cause personal and psychological distress as well.

But there are steps couples can take to overcome male impotence and improve their relationship. There’s no need to try to ignore sexual dysfunctions or suffer in silence when there are ways of achieving satisfying sexual relations for both of you. Just follow these six steps as reported by “Andromeda Andrology Center, and “Osbon Medical Foundation,” of Georgia.

• Admit the effects of impotence on you and your relationship

• Consider your physical and psychological health

• Explore the relationship factors that predict successful treatment

• Learn about the causes and treatments for impotence

• Discuss this problem with your mate and determine your true sexual needs

• Seek medical consultation

The first step, of course, is admitting there’s a problem. As the two of you think about your sexual relationship, try to understand the influence that impotence has had on both of you. Then together decide on how you a plan to approach it and what you’re going to do to help one another cope and better your sexual relationship.

Feelings, thoughts, and behaviors in relation to any sexual dysfunctions will have an effect on both your physical and psychological well being. A case in point is Ellen and Paul. Since undergoing triple by-pass surgery a year ago, their sex life has dwindled.

Ellen decided to do something about it, planning a special night together, ensuring there’d be no distractions or interruptions. “I’d been looking forward to this special time together to share a fulfilling, intimate experience,” explains Ellen. “But in spite of my caresses and cuddling, Paul couldn’t seem to respond. The more I tried, the more anxious we both became.”

Any woman in a relationship with an impotent man can relate to this experience. It’s not just the man who suffers, the woman does, too. Women begin to think about possible reasons for their partner’s sexual dysfunction and wonder if they’re to blame.

Women have many of the exact same concerns as men do in regard to impotence. That’s why it’s also important to talk to one another about what may be causing the sexual dysfunction.
In approximately 85% of cases, male impotence is caused by something physical, that can be diagnosed and in most instances is treatable, with some even curable. So it’s important for men to see a doctor and have a medical consultation.

It’s important to discuss what both partners need from their sexual relationship. Today in society we’re conditioned to think and behave a certain way in regard to sexual behavior. What you feel sexually when faced with an impotent partner, and what you believe you’re supposed to be thinking and feeling can be two very different things.

It’s important for men to remember their partner may be having the same frustrating feelings they’re having. But good communication can help straddle the hurdle of impotence and sexual dysfunctions while working together to become a team again.

Writer: Norman Hem

Photo Credit: Stockbyte

Spicing IT With Hot Lingerie!

Posted on 31. Mar, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Pillow Talk

Lingerie – exotic or familiar; sexy or demure; playful or serious. It can be bold or discreet, charming or in-your-face. Discount or luxurious.

It comes in so many varieties that ANY woman can find something to suit her. And it’s not just for “other” women, beautiful women, or single women. Even if you’ve been in a relationship with one man for many years, you can wear a little lingerie to spice things up.

If you need a change of pace, you can always count on lingerie. Want something exotic? Go for an unusual print. Leopard print and zebra print let you let your wild side out. If you’re feeling really naughty, you might want to wear a leopard print camisole to work- or even to go shopping. Boy, that’ll shake things up!

Want to make your marriage a little more sexy? Trust me, ladies, if you wear lingerie, he WILL pay attention! But don’t just save it for the bedroom. Wear something sexy under a skirt; go somewhere with him; and then give him a peak! I guarantee it’ll spice things up!

Here’s another trick you can use to get him to notice you. Send the kids off to grandma’s house… Wait until your man is watching TV… And then vacuum the floor in beautiful lingerie. I promise he won’t be watching TV long. Many a woman has done this to jump-start a hot evening. Even if you think your man is bored with you, give it a try. You may be surprised at how excited he’ll get.

One last marriage-related lingerie trick: if you’ve been married long, you may have noticed that you’re spending a lot more of your time in bed together just, well, SLEEPING. Now, sleep’s necessary, but I can think of better things to in bed… And if you come to bed in a sexy gown or some other lingerie, you may notice that you start to get less sleep again. Men get excited by change, so don’t just wear the same outfit every night. Change it up a little. It’ll keep things fresh (pun intended).

If you’re concerned about shopping for lingerie in your local department store or a local ligerie shop you shouldn’t be. Elegant, senseous lingerie will make you feel like a new woman. Besides, now there are a ton of lingerie shops online you can order from. And these aren’t sleeze shops, you’ll find a nice range of different types of lingerie you can choose from.

Writer: Bonnie  Ray has more than sixteen years experience in the wedding industry. She is the author of Wedding Planning Made Easier and has become a leading expert in marital relationships

Single Girls Tips For Valentine

Posted on 01. Dec, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Pillow Talk

It is a day of relentless exchange of flowers, chocolates, cards, fragrances, jewelry and other romantic gifts, all packed with warm feelings of love, romance and passion. Depending on how much you appreciate Valentine’s Day, and all that it suggests, being single on a love saturated day can stir up feelings of loneliness and self-doubt, which is a challenge for many to handle. But what is a single girl to do when she is feeling the chilling despair of being without a man instead of embracing the fiery desire of love?

This time of year can be another reminder of your need to mourn your relationship status and you can go curl up and convince yourself that valentine is just an illusion. You can sit at home and think about the time your ex flew you to England and you stayed in some romantic Liverpool hotels. Or you can choose to trash your pain and defy cupid by having fun and thriving as a single on Valentine!

Who says V-day is for couples? Love is for all of us!

Here are easy tips on how to enjoy Valentine’s Day as a single, at least till you meet the right person, who will then share more Valentine’s Day with you happily ever after!

• Appreciate yourself and reward yourself for all you have accomplished. Treat yourself to something special; buy yourself the gift you would have loved to receive from your partner if you were in a relationship. Surround yourself with all the things you love best
• Remember the special people in your life. Make a list of all those who have touched your live positively and you will be really surprised how long the list could be. Send them a mail, a text or postcards to appreciate them.
• You are single but you don’t have to be alone, get together with some of your other unattached friends hit the restaurants, a cinema, and the local karaoke bar, whatever. Revel in your ability to have an amazing time, and if you end the day hooking up with a fellow single guy, all well and good.
• You and a group of your friends, your family or your colleagues can also exchange gifts and make each other feel special. Make a draw of all the names and then deliver gifts to the person whose name you picked. That way everyone can have a feel of Valentine.
• Have a moment of reflection. If you are single and you don’t want to be, take time to think about what could be preventing you from getting the kind of relationship you want and decide on how to move forward to achieve what you want. If you are single and you want to remain single, now is the time to affirm your choice. Do not let other people’s preferences define your choice as something wrong.

Sell Sex!

Posted on 24. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Pillow Talk

This land is incredibly green. The diversity of our dense population is a big plus that allows all kinds of businesses to thrive. Whatever your product or service is, you will surely have a market in a share of the population. It’s like a big body of water, fetch, wash, and drink from it yet it will never run dry.

All you have to do is identify and research your target market and reach out to them in the way they understand best. If you are lucky enough to be one of the first few players in your industry, then you are in for a constant jolly ride to the banks. (at least till a million more people start the good, the bad and ugly versions of your business).

Is your boutique located in the high brow areas and stocked up with the top range quality products by designers from all over the world, or your shop is in the heart of the Yaba market filled with cheap second hand products massively imported from lands across the Atlantic? Do you run a posh Moroccan restaurant on the Island or a grubby mama put buka in a makeshift tent under the Obalende Bridge?

No matter what you sell or how you sell it, you can still claim a sizeable chunk of the population as your market.

We have a wide off the mark differences in class, income, education, gender, religion, shapes, sizes, etcetera and every day I see people taking advantage of this. Both the big and small businesses are thriving without interference.

Just in case you are already thinking of how to partake of this flowing milk and honey too, I’ve got a big one for you – Sell Sex!

With a population of 140 million, about 60% of which are between the ages of 18 – 60 (where the very sexually active resides), I don’t understand the hush hush about sex around here. I keep wondering why it has taken so long for more people to take advantage of this amazingly endless market.

Now let’s face it, many of us have serious relationship-threatening sexual problems and really wish we have somewhere to turn to for informed and responsible help. We need a holistic approach to sexual advice that will focus on a balanced and all inclusive sexual experience, helping us to understand the spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical aspects of sex.

Now here is what I try to imagine, when I think of the business. Call it a sex shop or whatever you think will be appropriate.

Here you go!

It is not hidden in a dark alley, it is situated on a regular street and customers don’t lower their heads, or have a hurried dash in and out for fear of being seen, they can make eye contact without a feeling of embarrassment.

The atmosphere brings all senses into play. The interior is thematic and appealing to the eyes, customers are welcomed by a soft romantic music in the background, the air is filled with tender invigorating smell, while they walk around they can pick up decadent and delectable desserts, and when they have to sit, the softness of the silky and plush sofa welcomes them.

There are categorized sections with wide array of products ranging from sex education books and videos, sensual musicals, assorted condoms, creams, lubricants, massage oils, scented candles, sex toys, fancy costumes, roses, edible sexual products, supplements, whatever your fantasy can accommodate.

There is also a counseling section where they can talk to a male or female expert depending on their preference, about any sexual challenge. They will provide education, recommendations, trainings, medical examinations and therapy.

The customer care people would have seen it all and so they will be highly motivated to put customers at ease, when they are asked questions, they pleasantly give guide, information and they also provide round the clock, help lines and online support.

There you go! What do you think?

Trust me it’s a viable business. In this Tattooing, boob jobing, strip clubbing days in Nigeria, your harvest is surely overripe.

WARNING

Watch out for religious hypocrites who will pretend like sex is dirty, they will criticize you and threaten you with hell!

Exploration of a Horny State of Mind

Posted on 10. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Pillow Talk

I am ovulating. This means that my horny state of mind has now become a physical reality. The distant rumbling has become a louder growl which rudely cuts into my internal conversations. At times, I feel like telling Shosho (my alter ego) to simply quiet down…After all, can’t you see I’m busy here!

My previous tome ended with the observation that it’s easy to resist temptation when it just isn’t there. You see, as I emerged from my teeny bopper years, a strange thing happened to me. I stopped being physically attracted to guys just because they looked like Denzel Washington. My first crush was a tall, serious looking guy with gorgeous stubble – a physical archetype that I confess my heart still goes aflutter over. But, as I grew older and my brain became my primary sexual organ, the level of sexual attraction was usually determined five minutes into the conversation, whether by text, phone call, chat or face-to-face.

I’ve discovered that there are male versions of “dumb blondes”, good to look at – veritable eye candy – but essentially cold water to any form of fire. I call them preening peaCOCKS:-) It’s different for guys, I suppose – the ability to separate a physical need from good conversation and company, but for me, it just makes for very boring intimacy.

My friend was teasing me yesterday about offering his ‘services’ to me free-of-charge. I had mentioned that it’d been a while since I was thoroughly kissed. Yes, there’s some attraction, but like a buddy once told me – and then what? What happens next? After you get your groove on, then…? Perhaps I desire something of the more permanent variety.

I’m thinking this blog should help me think about what is really important to me in a guy. They say every lady has a LIST – you know the proverbial list of things that she desires in a man. Well, my list has evolved and been whittled down so much over the years that I need to stop for a moment to figure out what’s there right now. I will do two separate lists: What Makes Me Sexually Attracted To A Guy and What Makes A Guy Relationship Material.

I’m doing separate lists because I learnt that sexual attraction is amoral. It flares up and takes hold of your brain (and nether parts) irrespective of whether the guy is physically attractive, unattractive, single, married, of another religious or political bias or if he simply annoys you. Once certain factors are present in a guy, YOU WILL be attracted to him, despite your denial. All you can do is DECIDE whether or not you’ll respond to the attraction or how fast you’ll flee. Just because you’re attracted to a guy doesn’t make him good relationship material.

So, here goes my list:

LIST ONE: WHAT MAKES ME SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO A GUY

1. Confidence: I’m not sure where guys get their confidence: Money, Intellectual Firepower, Self Esteem, Good upbringing, Height, Good Looks, A Knowledge of Being Loved and Accepted…whatever it is…the thought of a guy who’s truly not intimidated by me, doesn’t have anything to prove, can tell me exactly what he’s going to do to me and then grab me to whisk me off to bed to summarily show me, is quite intoxicating
2. Intellect & wisdom: I value deep unhurried conversations
3. Exposure: Cultural exposure is important to me. I love to joust verbally and also enjoy witty crazy conversations that make my sides burst with laughter. It’s hard to do this with a guy who’s not well read and exposed. Also, like a friend said: if you enjoy a man talking dirty to you, it sort of spoils the fun if he does so with a thick Yoruba accent!
4. Wit: An ability to make me laugh and feel like a mischievous child again. Someone who brings out Shosho, and gives Subomi a break for a change
5. A good heart: Someone I intuitively trust

LIST TWO: WHAT MAKES A GUY RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL

1. All of the above
2. His ideology: Should be non-traditional and completely centered on the teachings of a Jewish Carpenter who dared to be God
3. Obvious prosperity: I am allergic to poverty
4. Kindness and long suffering: Em…I can be em.. .difficult at times:-)
5. Friendship: Someone who has proven his friendship over tim

So, there’s my list. Mmn…who’d have thought?

Writer – Adesubomi Plumptre, Author of No Bullshit