Love; What Money Has To Do With It.

Posted on 21. Aug, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Pillow Talk

Overwhelming financial concerns sometimes create strains that affect the expression of our love, not always because we want to be materialistic or selfish, but because we innately desire an all round stability in our relationships. The extent we can go to meet this need and the maturity at handling associated issues however differs. Various statistics are showing that financial concerns rank one of the five top reasons for divorce and one of the top causes of conflicts and disputes in marriages.

More than ever before, money plays an important role in marriages, today’s world is fast paced and the status of an individual and the opportunities available to them is increasingly being determined by material wealth. There is a strong pursuit for prettier, bigger, flashier and costlier things of life, and a lack of the ability to keep abreast with peers in this regard may cause unnecessary stress on the married life of any two people.

When financial needs becomes unmet and expectations do not match up, it could cause persistent personal conflict and resentment that could then inspire a pursuit of independent dreams, without regards for what the other person feels or how it affects their relationship. Because one wants what the other doesn’t, there will be dissatisfaction and frustration, and love will become sour.

In such situations, whether we choose to independently pursue our dreams or decide to stick through the financially challenged relationship, the truth is we will have to make choices that demand sacrifice. There may not be the desired financial buoyancy now, but is there love, teamwork, focus, determination and hard work towards success? Is it possible to hold up faith for a breakthrough?

If you think your relationship is worth rescuing from the claws of financial tension, here are five recommended ways you can work it out;

Be On The Same Page

Communicate clearly to each other about your fears and concerns for your finances and together analyze your financial situation and agree on the financial future you want for yourselves. It is important that you both understand each other’s financial expectations.

Have a Game Plan

Strategize on how you want to achieve your financial dreams, don’t just wish and desire, you need to map out a practical and realistic way for you to make enough money for the kind of life you desire and to stay out of debt. Devise ways that can work best for you both. For instance, you can decide to work two jobs instead of one, or you may decide to relocate to another state where you can have better job prospects.

Make No Room For The Lazy One

It could be really frustrating to have a laid back partner who isn’t giving 100% commitment to your financial future. You both have to get out of your comfort zones and take actions to make your dreams become reality, discuss and agree on what each person’s contribution to your financial success would be and be committed to it.

Don’t Bite More Than You Can Chew

You will need to curb unnecessary spending, and together set financial priorities, make periodic budgets and stick to it. Don’t accumulate debts and put your financial future in jeopardy because you want to keep up with The Jones’. What is more important? Is it buying a new house or saving up your child’s education? Ask yourselves important questions, be realistic and stay on course.

Let The Owl Do The Night Watch

While both of you should be actively involved in your financial decisions, it is important to let the person who is more competent at handling it take charge. Don’t take it up if you are not disciplined with spending or if you find it difficult to keep account and balance the sheets.

When Lost Ask For Directions

Don’t hesitate to seek professional help and counsel when you think you need to. Remember you are not alone in this situation, there are couples who have been in and out of the financial mess you are. Don’t go through life trying to patch things up when you can get people to help you out. No matter what you are experiencing you can find help somewhere. Never wait till when the things eats you up and gets out of control before you call out for help, it might be too late. Take the bull by the horn, be equipped with the right knowledge and support from people who know about it. You don’t have answers to everything.

Writer – Shola Okubote

Photo Credit – Ojo Images

Is Your Skin Hungry?

Posted on 15. Aug, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Healthwise

Glowing vibrant skin is often envied because it is seen as a reflection of youth, and so we buy products and even buy some foods to put on top of the skin to keep it looking young. But we generally tend to overlook the fact that when it comes to our skin, the food we put into our bodies may have a bigger impact than what we put on our bodies. Here are ten great food options that help rejuvenate skin:

Low-fat dairy: Note the words “low-fat”. Dairy that is high in fat may actually contain fats that cause skin blemishes when consumed on a regular basis. The best options of low-fat dairy are skimmed milk and low-fat yoghurt because they contain just enough good fat, as well as lots of vitamin A. When searching for low-fat yoghurt, stick to yoghurt that is low in calories and sugars.

Berries: A lot of skin damage is as a result of prolonged exposure to the sun. With black skin, the direct effects of sun exposure are usually not as evident on our skin, but there are negative effects we may not see for a while, such as premature aging. Berries contain a lot of antioxidants that help to neutralize the effects of prolonged sun exposure. They also help the skin manufacture collagen. Collagen is a chemical produced by the body that maintains skin’s elasticity, and keeps the skin looking youthful. Some great types of berries are blueberries, strawberries, and blackberries (the one you eat, not your phone).

Fish and Nuts: Foods rich in Omega-3 and Omega-6 also have anti-inflammatory properties that help reduce the speed of skin aging. Great sources of Omega-3 and Omega-6 are fatty fish like salmon, sardines, and mackerel, and nuts like walnuts and almonds. Extra virgin olive oil: Extra virgin olive oil contains healthy oils that make it good for the skin, just like fish and nuts. However, it also contains vitamins A, E, and K that help the skin maintain its elasticity and helps to soothe skin irritations.

Whole Grains: Whole Grains are rich in vitamin B, which relieves dryness and itchiness of skin. Vitamin B deficiency increases skin dryness and sensitivity. Whole grains also contain a trace mineral called selenium, which is essential to prevent acne and acne scarring, and slowing down skin aging. Studies have actually shown that selenium may help to reduce the risk of certain types of skin cancers.

Green tea: In addition to all the benefits of green tea, it is also good for the skin. Just like most of the other great skin foods, it protects the skin from prolonged exposure to the sun, and contains other anti-inflammatory qualities to prevent skin aging. Also, green tea helps rejuvenate the skin, and can reduce the look of wrinkles, acne, and even dandruff.

Avocadoes: Yum! This is one of my favorites, and I’m certain several readers would be glad to see that avocadoes hold several health benefits for the skin. Avocadoes hydrate the skin, leaving the skin consistently moisturized and even smoother. It also contains B complex vitamins and antioxidants that may delay the process of skin aging.

Spinach: As your mom, and her mom before her said, eat your greens! Spinach is an example of a great green vegetable that contains antioxidants, vitamins A, C, and E, folic acid, and iron that help maintain the firmness of skin and even keeps your hair shining. Spinach also contains a mineral called lutein, which keeps your eyes healthy and sparkling. Soy milk: Soy products are not technically a dairy, but they contain vitamins A and B. As we have seen with the other foods listed here, these vitamins help to reduce effects of prolonged sun exposure on the skin. Additionally, soy proteins play a huge role in evening skin tone and texture, and reducing skin discoloration.

Water: This article would not be complete if we did not talk about the positive effects of water on the skin. Just like most objects in the world, our skin is made up of mostly water. Obviously, dry skin is caused by low moisture, and so in order to keep the skin hydrated and vibrant, it is essential to drink tons of water to replenish the skin. How much water we need is debatable and the statistics have been changed and re-changed, but a glass of water at every meal and a glass of water in-between meals is a relatively adequate amount to keep the skin looking hydrated. But just as certain foods promote skin health, there are foods that may cause the skin to grow tired and age quicker. Some examples are: coffee, excess salt, greasy foods, alcohol, and soda. Although we may not be able to completely remove these foods from our diet, we can certainly limit our intake to see glowing vibrant skin.

Writer: Suzanne Brume writes a blog about health and fitness, called Eights and Weights, and you can check it out here http://eightsandweights.blogspot.com. She was one of the last-minute nominations for the Best Health and Fitness category in the Nigerian Blog awards.

Photo Credit: Fuse

How To Handle Online Romance

Posted on 01. Aug, 2010 by Lounge Lady in aLL tHe SiNgLe LaDiEs!

In this internet age we live in, online romance has become a valid means through which we can meet our partners, just like meeting them at work, in the club, at church, etc. I know some will say that a lot of such relationships never mature into something serious but does meeting in real life guarantee marriage? Some argue that you cannot love someone you have not seen. I do not agree. We are more than our bodies. Our writings or how we talk about life can give a window into our mind and soul. These are also great for getting to know another human being.

The major advantage of online romance is the privacy, and safety it provides. You don’t need to expose everything about you immediately. Stuff like your telephone number, address, where you work and family details can and should be kept under wraps for a while. It is only when you trust the other person more that you can decide how open to be. Online romance gives you the control, you can decide when and how to reveal any type of information. You can also completely back off at any time, if you feel like something is going wrong or the other person is not who they say they are. Changing your email addresses, or blocking a chat buddy or access to your FB or twitter profile, is much easier than keeping someone out of your physical space.

That said; there are some things to be aware of with online romance. The advantage of privacy in meeting someone online first could become a double-edged sword. This is because it makes it easier to be dishonest online. The person you are chatting with could be a 12 years old, or married, or 42 instead of 22, or a man instead of a woman and vice versa. It is so easy to develop a different persona online, be whoever you want, say whatever and become an overnight superstar. The anonymity and privacy of the internet thereby becomes a tool for deception. A waiter becomes a doctor, 5’1 becomes six feet and CUNY becomes Harvard or Yale. Remember that this cuts both ways. Are you being your real honest self while looking for love online?

The next important part of online romance is communication. What do you guys discuss? Don’t burn phone cards talking about Kim Kardashian or the World Cup. OK, you can do that too. But more important, give each other time to talk about your lives. Ask questions and be as honest as you can. I’m not saying you should interview each other, but a relationship requires true and deep communication. You can talk about your dreams, your achievements and goals, talk about your families, people you admire in your life, your most prized possessions, your strengths and weaknesses, and maybe most importantly, talk about the kind of relationship both of you are looking for. This last will determine what direction your romance goes.

Finally, it boils down to the nitty-gritty. After starting a romance online, there is the temptation to just let it roll along on sweet talk via the phone, chat or email. You cannot live life online and in the same way, any romance that starts and remains solely online for say, one year, is a bit suspicious. The next thing a couple that met online should discuss when they realize that the admiration is mutual is how to meet up. Some say love is spiritual, that is true, but it is also physical. People in an online romance must find ways to balance both sides of the attraction. Apart from the physicality of attraction, meeting face to face also helps determine honesty. Is that really him? Is he really interested in me enough to make the effort?

Once you have met for the first time, you are no different from the next couple who first met in real life. Keep your head up and enjoy your love.

Writer: Myne Whitman is a blogger and the author of A Heart To Mend
Photo Credit: G.I

5 Things You Should Never Say To Your Kids!

Posted on 10. Jul, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Motherhood

(Article First Published In Motherhood Instyle Magazine)

If you’re angry with your child, don’t say a word without first considering the impact it’s going to have on your child. Children sure know how to get on your nerve but you must control your emotions and get your point across in a rational manner without doing any damage to the emotional development of your children.

These are five things a mother must not be caught saying to her children, no matter how upset she is:

1. You are a mistake!

One of the most deadly sin of parenting is telling your child that his/her birth stole your life away, whether you are a single mother or married mother who had an unwanted pregnancy; don’t transfer your bitterness and resentment to your child. Getting pregnant and having the child is totally your decision so take responsibility for it. No matter what a child has done, don’t ever say he/she is a waste of space or that you should have had an abortion when you had the chance. It is a  hurtful thing that no child should hear. It makes them feels like an intruder that disrupted your life and not worthy of love.

2. Why Can’t You Be More Like Your Sister

If you think your child isn’t doing so well, help the child out in a constructive way. Comparing them to others can destroy their self esteem, make them fatally competitive and even damage their relationship with the child you are comparing them to. They could also think that they can only get your approval when they are like someone else and that you don’t love them for who they are. Help your children see the beauty in their own uniqueness by focusing on each individual without using comparisons, when you compare them to others you are indirectly telling them they are not good enough and if they internalize that as a core belief it can lead to undesirable behaviors in the future.

3. Your Father is Good For Nothing

As much as you would want to, you need to bite your tongue on this one. Do not speak negatively about your husband or your children’s father to them. If you are having problems with your spouse talk to an adult don’t put that burden on your children, they are kids and they can’t fully understand complex adult issues. Don’t let them have to worry for you, it will hurt the children and paint negative pictures about relationships to them at any early age.  Knowing that their parents are not at peace can also make them fearful and insecured.

As they grow older, they will become much more aware of what is going on, and if your partner really hurt you, they will find out one day anyway. Spare them the headache when they are still young.

4. You should be ashamed of yourself / I am ashamed of you

You can tell your children you are disappointed in their behavior and make them sober for what they have done without shaming them into feeling guilty. There are times when shaming works and produces the behavior we want from a child, but most times it comes along with the feeling of inferiority that can last a life time. The children will carry on the message of “I am wrong,” “I’m not enough,” and “I can never do anything right.”

One act of indiscipline from your children is not enough for you to be ashamed of them or to make them feel ashamed of themselves. We all make mistakes and the important thing is accepting correction, they should never be defined by the mistakes they have made. You don’t even want your children to think you will love them less when they make mistakes.

5. You Are Dumb, You Are So Stupid …

You hurt your child’s feelings every time you use negative words to describe them. Even if the child acts silly often, don’t tag the child as silly. Being called names continuously can leave the child truly believing that he or she is worthless  and defective, and  they may carry that feeling into adulthood. If you call your child clumsy and stupid every day, what are the chances that the child will stop acting stupid? The child will simply believe he or she can’t be smart like other kids and stop trying to succeed. So if you call your children dumb they are really going to think they are dumb.

Writer- Shola Okubote

Photo Credit – Getty Images

One Hazard of Being A Personal Assistant

Posted on 09. Jul, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Life @ Work

I wrote  my recent resignation letter and don’t judge me till you hear the details!

Despite the job being a lucrative one,  about three weeks ago I had to resign again as P.A to my boss (who else would I have been P.A to but my boss?)  *sobbing out loud*

OK, here’s why…

My boss returned from a trip and told me he was tired and asked me to get him olive oil.  I dashed off to get one (“what’s a P.A for if not for errand affairs?”) The Ministers P.A is the Minister of Errand affairs … which I happened to be!

When i returned with the olive oil, he  thanked me, and then I began to pack my bag getting  ready to go home. As I was approaching the stairs to bid him farewell, he told me he needed a massage. “sure thing sir, lemme get your masseuse on the phone”, i said.

err…he called  and said, “can you define the word ‘Personal Assistant’ …?!?”
shocked to my marrow…I stammered as the real meaning dawned on me…hmmn…talk about job hazards!!!

…you really don’t want to know what followed…

takea…till I’m stable again!!!

Writer: Younique

Photo Credit: John Richardson

You And Your Househelps!

Posted on 27. May, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Everyday Living

In recent weeks, I’ve been coming across some articles and blog posts that discuss the topic of housemaids, usually in negative situations. Those articles got me thinking about the way the vast majority of middle and upper class Nigerians treat their domestic staff – people like housemaids, gatemen,/security men, drivers, gardeners and so on. I discussed the issue with some friends last week and we all agreed that, in general, domestic staff in Nigeria are treated in an appalling way.

From what I’ve observed, they are treated like second-class citizens in the homes where they work. They often don’t share the same living quarters with the rest of the family. Or even if they share the property, they are given the worst spaces possible. They use a different set of utensils to eat, for some reason as if they are not worthy to use the same as the family they live with. They are often given cast-offs of the children’s clothes or the employer’s old and ragged clothes to wear.

They are spoken to in awful and demeaning ways. This is something I’ve observed over and over again. Sometimes I would visit a friend and she would be speaking with me nicely and politely, and then turn around to use a harsh and intimidating tone on her housemaid, and call her abusive names. I don’t understand it. Sure you can use a stern tone when you are giving instructions to an employee but is there a need for the constant stream of abuse? Would any of us take that kind of attitude from our managers at the office? Why do we think that they don’t have feelings, and they cannot be hurt by the terrible words we hurl at them? Is it fair? Doesn’t the bible say something about the way we use our tongues to praise God and curse our fellow human beings?

Which brings me to my next point. Domestic staff in Nigeria have little or no employment rights. They don’t have regular working hours, due to the nature of their work. But they also don’t get any benefits. They don’t have days off – they work all day, everyday. They don’t have holidays. They don’t have anything called a social life. They don’t get sick days off or sick pay. The best they get from oga or madam is some panadol. Often they don’t go to school and can’t learn any skill while they are working for their masters. I’m sure none of us professional ladies would ever imagine working for a company that didn’t give us any time off or holidays, or allow us any social life. We would protest those working conditions, but we give the same treatment to our own employees. I have even heard women complaining bitterly when it’s Christmas time, and their maid wants to take a couple of weeks off to go and visit her family. It’s like, she’s not human right? Why does she need time off to go and see her family? Never mind that madam has taken time off from her own job so that she can enjoy her own Christmas holiday. She just cannot cope for two weeks while her maid is away. Why are we so reliant on our maids that we cannot function without them?

Furthermore, the physical violence towards them is just… I don’t know. Women who won’t raise a hand to strike their own children seem to see no qualms in beating their maids to a pulp at the slightest offence. For some reason, the maid always deserves a beating whenever she makes a mistake, whereas their children do worse things, but they don’t get beaten. Why do we give a harsher treatment to our maids? Would any of us tolerate physical abuse at work? Why do we think it is okay to hit our domestic staff?

The funny thing is that these mistreatments are not limited to any type of woman. I have witnessed women from all spheres of life mistreating their domestic staff. Even women who should know better, like pastor’s wives, lawyers or human right’s activists. We can speak out against so many injustices in the world, but for some reason, we seem to turn a blind eye to the ones we do right under our nose. We can argue that we can’t trust them, they are rogues, thieves and what not. But for the amount of money they are paid, and the useful service they provide to us, most of our domestic staff don’t get treated well. So of course, they don’t have much of an incentive to behave properly. The irony is that, we maltreat our maids, and then leave our children and house in their care when we are not around. Shouldn’t we be worried that the treatment we mete out to them could be taken out on the children? I’m sure there are many innocent children who bear the brunt of the maid’s frustration because of the attitude she gets from her employers.

Then there are the really sad cases of rape and sexual abuse, when the man of the house decides that the maid’s body is his to do whatever he wants with. Usually the poor girl is caught between a rock and a hard place – forced to sleep with her boss and having no way of escape. I have read of cases where the oga impregnates the housemaid and when the madam heard about it, she was thrown out of the house and left at the mercy of fate. Who speaks for the rights of such victims?

Has anyone tried to put themselves in their maid’s shoes? Try to imagine it for a minute. You are a young girl of fourteen, forced to leave education because your family cannot afford it anymore. You are taken away from your family and sent to the city to work for a strange family. You could be scared, lonely, sad and homesick, but you have to put all those emotions aside and get on with it – this is now your fate. You have to endure working from sunrise to sunset every single day of the week for meager wages. If you are really lucky you will end up working for a nice family that will treat you well. But if not, you are treated harshly by everyone in the family – from the madam, to the oga, to the children. And you dare not complain. In fact, who will you complain to? Who will believe you, if you say your madam is mistreating you, or your oga is making sexual advances towards you? The best you can do is to run away. But where does that leave you? Out of a job, broke and lost in a big city. If you can even return home, your family will likely beat you for losing a source of income.

Food for thought.

I hope we can take a step back and re-evaluate the way we treat our housemaids and other domestic staff. They are people like us too, only trapped by the circumstances. That doesn’t justify anybody treating them with no respect or dignity. Let’s not forget that the way we treat others reflects back on us, and we will always reap what we sow. If we sow wickedness… well, it may very well come back to haunt us.

Instead, let’s try to sow a different seed – one of kindness. It may just be a few small changes we make everyday, but it would make a whole world of difference to the people we employ as our domestic staff. If you know your maid has been working flat out for weeks, give her a break from time to time. If you can see she needs new clothes, be kind enough to give her something new that you can afford. Do what you can to make her life better; not worse.

I would like to imagine a world where housemaids can point to the time they spent with their employers and say that those years were one of the best times of their lives. Some may try to take advantage of our kindness, but it shouldn’t matter. We should not be weary of doing good, just because someone once tried to take advantage of it.

Writer - Tolulope Popoola is a writer and she blogs at InMyDreamsItWasSimpler

Photo Credit -Stockbyte

How To Cope With The Loss Of Loved Ones

Posted on 01. Apr, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Everyday Living

My brother was on the Sosoliso plane that crashed at Port-Harcourt International Airport on the 10^th of December 2005. He was only 13.

That Christmas was one Christmas I will never forget.

My brother was a star. A genius. He excelled in everything; academics, sports, socials, everything. Just like that his life was cut short, because of a failed system.

The days that followed were really hard. It felt so unreal, but one thing that was real was the pain. After the shock, disbelief and anger had worn off; we were left with the pain and sheer hopelessness of it all.

Slowly and surely, we rebuilt our lives, we worked through the pain and took everything one day at a time. I had to be strong for my parents, especially my mum and also for my siblings. It wasn’t easy, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and by the Grace of God, we are still standing and the worst is over.

Grief is defined as a multi-faceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something you have formed a strong bond with. It can also be defined as, keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.

Every day we read and hear about death, but it never seems real until it happens close to us. Death is the most unwelcome and unwanted visitor in the world, it comes in and snatches someone away, with no reason, no apologies and no explanations and just like that, they are gone.

Death leaves in its wake emotions like shock, disbelief, anger and terrible pain. I know this because I’ve been through it before.

No one prays for death, but it happens anyway.

Sometimes it happens suddenly, with no warning and sometimes it is expected (as in the case of the elderly or the terminally ill) and the loved ones of the deceased can prepare for the loss. This doesn’t mean that in latter case, the pain is less intense, but sometimes the preparation helps.

No matter the circumstance or situation, you have to keep on living.

So how do you cope? How do you move on and put your life back together?

Based on my own experience, here are a few steps that helped my healing process:

• ACCEPTING AND LETTING GO: This is perhaps, the hardest part. Coming to terms with their death is often very difficult, because we wish to hold on and hope that somehow, somewhere they are still alive.  But holding on only prolongs the grief. You have to accept and believe that they are gone, so that you can rebuild your life. This also means letting go of all the negative emotions; guilt, anger, resentment etc. The death of a loved one brings along a lot of guilt, it’s important to forgive yourself and realise that there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

• HAVE A GOOD SUPPORT SYSTEM: It’s important to surround yourself with people. Not just anybody, but people who are there for you. People that pray for and with you. People that weep with you and are also strong for you. Those that encourage you to move on and take it all one step at a time. Stay away from insensitive people that make ignorant or hurtful remarks. You might want to be alone all the time and sometimes people get so wrapped up in their grief that they push everyone away, but it’s not the best. Increased solitude increases your chances of slipping deeper into depression.Allow yourself to be with people that cheer you up and take your mind off everything.

• TALK ABOUT IT: Remember you are not alone. Talk to someone. God, a friend or if you don’t feel comfortable pouring your heart out to someone who knows you, try talking with a grief counsellor or someone from your church or elsewhere, someone you are comfortable with.

• BUILD YOUR FAITH: After the death of my brother, the two things that helped the most were prayers and the Word of God. Reading the Bible really helped and scriptures like John 11:25 were like a balm to my wounded soul. The Word of God heals, restores, uplifts and gives us hope. It also helps you make sense of the tragedy.Also reading Christian books on death, life after death etc, encouraged me.

• CELEBRATE THEIR LIFE: Celebrate everything about their life, who they were, what they stood for, and their dreams. Everything.

Finally, there is no formula for coping with loss. Everybody is different and we all react differently, the important thing is getting your life back together and moving on.

Writer: Omada Okpe

A Tale of Two Blouses

Posted on 17. Jan, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Everyday Living

Marketplaces aren’t particularly one of my favorite spots so having to wait for someone in a very busy one left me uneasy and very impatient. While pacing up and down restlessly, I noticed two gorgeous blouses in a small boutique that seems to be at a locational disadvantage.

I moved closer and took a better look at the blouses, both were pink with lovely details, but the first one seems perfect. It will be a pretty match for an idle skirt I hadn’t put to much use, and the size was so rightly 10.

I took a look into my bag, at what seems to be the most important factor in getting the blouse, I had more than enough loose money to get it!

Shouldn’t I go for it? For a long while, and quite unnecessary as well, I stood there admiring the two blouses and I thought to myself even if the first one was not there, the second would have also been lovely for me .

After taking my sweet time to hesitate, ponder, analyze, and admire I started walking towards the boutique, a few steps away from the shop, I was flabbergasted at what I saw.

A lady walked towards the shop took the blouses off the hanger and went in, of course to fit them! She paid for the two and left!

The two! Not even the second best was left?

Well, the ‘get up’ ring from my alarm clock denied me the end of the story too, there sure was nothing tangible I could do in the dream world.

Try as hard as I might to drop it into the ‘‘it’s just a dream” trashcan, it followed me around all through the day like a nagging wife, determined to prick on my conscience till I accepted I needed to make a change.

I didn’t have to think too far to understand its message, I knew exactly where the old, ugly shoes itch. In clear words – PROCRASTINATION!

Pursuing what I desire out of life is certainly not by wishing and admiring but in getting up and running either like a lion would towards its prey or like a gazelle away from its predator.

I knew it was time to run! To allow my dreams take a leap out of the pages of my journal into reality. Like someone said, to think too much about doing something maybe its undoing, procrastination is opportunity’s natural killer.

So step up, step out and do what you gotta do!

How To Walk Your Talk

Posted on 17. Jan, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Everyday Living

New Year is the only holiday that celebrates the passage of time and gives us hope for newness. That’s why, as the final seconds of the year tick away, we look back to the past with introspection, and also look forward to the New Year with new expectations. We look within and without to reflect on the changes we want and make solemn resolve to follow through.

Have you made plans to kick bad habits and start a new life this year? Well, before you pour the champagne on ice and jump on the wagon with your new resolutions, these are three things you need to know in order to achieve your New Year plans, and walk your talk!

The Change You Need.

Achieving your New Year resolutions might not be as easy as the campaign slogan goes, if you can’t separate the change you need from the change other people want for you. If getting married is one of your goals this year just because your Mama wants it, then it is very likely that it will not be achieved.

Aim for things that are truly important to you, not what you think you ought to do or what others expect of you. For instance, if you are healthy and comfortable with your weight, don’t include weight loss on your to do list because everybody else is doing it, or if you know you are not financially ready for a new house don’t resolve to buying one.

Don’t be caught up striving so hard to do the impossible while you neglect the most important things. If you keep making and breaking a particular resolution, then maybe you should consider deleting it entirely. Put your energy toward making the changes that are both realistic and useful. Don’t let an unfulfilled resolution to lose twenty pounds or to buy a beach house block you from making other, smaller resolutions that might give you a big boost in life.

Think Small

You have heard that it pays to think big. Well, not all the time. If you are serious about achieving your goals this year then you have to learn to see the beauty in small things.

Breaking down large goals into smaller achievable goals helps you move towards success faster. For instance, if your aim is to make more money this year, don’t plan to win a lottery, because you might not. Instead think of other practical ways that are within your grasp, like taking on a second job or starting your catering business.

Radical change is desirable but don’t fall into the trap of thinking that only radical change can make a difference, start a change from where you are. You also need to be very specific. Don’t just say “I want to meet new friends” that’s too vague. Go ahead and simplify it further into achievable goals that you can incorporate into your daily life, for instance, going for your community meetings, joining a unit in church, joining the poetry club are practical ways you can meet people.

Don’t Retreat, Don’t Surrender

Most of us think that we can change our lives if we have a strong willpower and try even harder this time around; well, it’s exceptionally hard to make life changes. Such revelation will hardly come as a surprise to those who make and break their resolutions every year. Change is not as easy as it sounds, imagine the confusion that will happen if you could just snap your finger and change instantly tomorrow. It takes time, commitment and discipline to achieve what we want.

It is also important to get all the right information and guidance you need in achieving your goals. If one of your goals is to life a more healthy life, then you might need to get information on how to live a healthy lifestyle and be committed to having regular medical checkups.

Make sure you are doing the right things. When lost, ask for directions, seek professional help if needed, it makes your task easier. No matter what you are experiencing you can find help somewhere. So whether it’s a problem at work, in your marriage, with your kids, or about some habit and addictions, don’t wait till when the things eats you up and gets out of control before you call out for help, it might be too late.

This year be persistent, don’t let go easily, don’t give in and don’t give up. Take a risk. Overcome a fear. Accomplish a task. Have faith in yourself. Remember that it is never too late to become what you want to be.

-       By Shola Okubote

32 Things Women Are Afraid Of

Posted on 05. Dec, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Everyday Living

According to the American Psychiatric Association, a phobia is an irrational and excessive fear of an object or situation. In most cases, the phobia involves a sense of endangerment or a fear of harm. This list offers a glimpse at the phobias that are especially particular to women and can have a serious impact on their lives. These are just few of the over 500 phobias that has been identified!

What Are You Afraid of?

• Achluophobia – Fear of darkness.

• Agraphobia – Fear of sexual abuse.

• Androphobia – Fear of men.

• Anuptaphobia – Fear of staying single.

• Arsonphobia – Fear of fire.

• Bibliophobia is the fear of books

• Cacophobia – Fear of ugliness.

• Chrematophobia is the fear of money

• Decidophobia is the fear of making decisions

• Eleutherophobia is the fear of knowledge

• Gamophobia – Fear of marriage.

• Genophobia – Fear of sex.

• Gerascophobia – Fear of growing old

• Glossophobia is the fear of speaking in public

• Hypegiaphobia is the fear of responsibility

• Kakorrharphobia is the fear of failure or defeat

• Lockiophobia – Fear of childbirth.

• Mechanophobia is the fear of machines

• Melanophobia – Fear of the color black.
• Necrophobia – Fear of death or dead things.

• Ophidiophobia – Fear of snakes

• Opthalmophobia is the  fear of being stared at

• Peniaphobia is the  fear of poverty

• Pentheraphobia – Fear of mother-in-law

• Phabdophobia  is the fear of being severely punished or criticized

• Pocresophobia – Fear of gaining weight

• Quatophobia is the fear of being an insignificant and worthless person

• Socialphobia is the fear of social situations

• Venustraphobia – Fear of beautiful women.

• Wiccaphobia is the fear of witches

• Xenophobia  is the fear of foreigners

• Zeusophobia  is the fear of God or gods

On the causes of phobia, latest studies show that there is likely a complex interaction of factors including genetics, brain chemistry, environmental triggers and learned behavior. Treatment ranges from the use of self help advice to seeing therapists

For a longer list of phobias, the causes and treatment please go to the sites below

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/phobias/DS00272

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Phobias/Pages/Introduction.aspx