Love; What Money Has To Do With It.
Posted on 21. Aug, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Pillow Talk
Overwhelming financial concerns sometimes create strains that affect the expression of our love, not always because we want to be materialistic or selfish, but because we innately desire an all round stability in our relationships. The extent we can go to meet this need and the maturity at handling associated issues however differs. Various statistics are showing that financial concerns rank one of the five top reasons for divorce and one of the top causes of conflicts and disputes in marriages.
More than ever before, money plays an important role in marriages, today’s world is fast paced and the status of an individual and the opportunities available to them is increasingly being determined by material wealth. There is a strong pursuit for prettier, bigger, flashier and costlier things of life, and a lack of the ability to keep abreast with peers in this regard may cause unnecessary stress on the married life of any two people.
When financial needs becomes unmet and expectations do not match up, it could cause persistent personal conflict and resentment that could then inspire a pursuit of independent dreams, without regards for what the other person feels or how it affects their relationship. Because one wants what the other doesn’t, there will be dissatisfaction and frustration, and love will become sour.
In such situations, whether we choose to independently pursue our dreams or decide to stick through the financially challenged relationship, the truth is we will have to make choices that demand sacrifice. There may not be the desired financial buoyancy now, but is there love, teamwork, focus, determination and hard work towards success? Is it possible to hold up faith for a breakthrough?
If you think your relationship is worth rescuing from the claws of financial tension, here are five recommended ways you can work it out;
Be On The Same Page
Communicate clearly to each other about your fears and concerns for your finances and together analyze your financial situation and agree on the financial future you want for yourselves. It is important that you both understand each other’s financial expectations.
Have a Game Plan
Strategize on how you want to achieve your financial dreams, don’t just wish and desire, you need to map out a practical and realistic way for you to make enough money for the kind of life you desire and to stay out of debt. Devise ways that can work best for you both. For instance, you can decide to work two jobs instead of one, or you may decide to relocate to another state where you can have better job prospects.
Make No Room For The Lazy One
It could be really frustrating to have a laid back partner who isn’t giving 100% commitment to your financial future. You both have to get out of your comfort zones and take actions to make your dreams become reality, discuss and agree on what each person’s contribution to your financial success would be and be committed to it.
Don’t Bite More Than You Can Chew
You will need to curb unnecessary spending, and together set financial priorities, make periodic budgets and stick to it. Don’t accumulate debts and put your financial future in jeopardy because you want to keep up with The Jones’. What is more important? Is it buying a new house or saving up your child’s education? Ask yourselves important questions, be realistic and stay on course.
Let The Owl Do The Night Watch
While both of you should be actively involved in your financial decisions, it is important to let the person who is more competent at handling it take charge. Don’t take it up if you are not disciplined with spending or if you find it difficult to keep account and balance the sheets.
When Lost Ask For Directions
Don’t hesitate to seek professional help and counsel when you think you need to. Remember you are not alone in this situation, there are couples who have been in and out of the financial mess you are. Don’t go through life trying to patch things up when you can get people to help you out. No matter what you are experiencing you can find help somewhere. Never wait till when the things eats you up and gets out of control before you call out for help, it might be too late. Take the bull by the horn, be equipped with the right knowledge and support from people who know about it. You don’t have answers to everything.
Writer – Shola Okubote
Photo Credit – Ojo Images
Will You Ever Tell Them?
Posted on 01. Aug, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Connections
A few days ago, I came across the Facebook page of an old school mate who passed on rather suddenly last year. His page was still kept active by his incredibly strong wife. And as I read the messages on his wall- I was convinced that he had made such a huge impact in the lives of people around him…..and then I wondered: Did he know he made such an impact when he was alive? Something tells me he did- but I questioned, what if he didn’t?
As I pondered on this, I remembered attending the funeral of a friend last year who also had passed away suddenly and played back the amazing things everyone said about her- her positiveness, her ever present smile, her great presence…..and then I wondered: Did she ever know how much of a difference her smile made?
I couldn’t help but bring this closer home; last year, I attended the funeral of a family member- my step mum to be specific. And at her Service of Songs, there was a call for anyone who had something to say about her, and of course I did – being one who’s never shy to take the microphone and say something that needs to be said. I spoke about how great she was, how she taught me to wash glass cups as a young woman, wash my Dad’s big bed sheets, helped me learn to debate intellectually the many times I sat with her after watching NTA 10 news as a 12 year old girl……and then I wondered: Did she know she contributed tremendously to the young woman I have become? Well I knew the answer to this one: NO! She didn’t, I had never told her!
And so I wonder: How many people have walked this same journey of mine and thought the same or perhaps wished they had said those amazing words?
To think how we sometimes feel the need to tell people how little we think of them when they wrong us! We justify it by saying: “I can’t keep it any longer, she needs to know….” Or we sound spiritual and say “…The Bible says, if you have anything against your brother, go and settle it” (paraphrased).
But then I ask myself; if only we were this passionate about telling people what they do or did right….
If only we were consumed by the desire to tell a friend that their encouraging words kept us going through tough times….
What a difference that would make…not just for us but for the recipient(s).
So I ask, not as someone who feels she has the audacity to tell you what to do but as a friend who knows how easy it is to overlook this little, yet so important act called APPRECIATION, that you pick up the phone; arrange the meeting; go on the visit; send the “thank you” card; send the text message; ping them on Blackberry; buzz them on Yahoo messenger; …..do whatever you need to do to let them know how much their kind acts or words have made a difference. Do it NOW, not later….because you just never know.
So please don’t wait till the next Mother’s Day or Father’s Day or your next wedding anniversary or their birthday- let them know now how much you appreciate them for everything they have done and still do….
So whether its:
- The Mother who chose not to abort you, or
- The Father who accepted you as his and stayed true, or
- The Woman/Man who is sharing a life with you
- The Brother who always looked out for your best interests, or
- The Sister who was always at the other end of the phone when that relationship with your ex failed, or
- The Friend who encouraged you when you lost your job, or
- The Buddy who put in a good word that eventually got you that job, or
- The Pastor who never gave up on you when you were a “growing Christian” or
- The Chemistry teacher who always believed in you, or
- The Professor who you know went the extra mile for you during your dissertation, or
- The Boss who showed you the ropes and taught you to be better at your job, or
- The Friend who believed in your dream even more than you did, or
- The Aunty whose love and affection for you helped build a positive self image, or
- The In-law who took you into his home when you first moved into that new city/town, or
- The Grandma who taught you to be a hardworking woman and never to quit, or
- The Grandfather who taught you what it meant to be a man, or
- The Friend who never let you settle when you thought you “had arrived” but kept pushing you forward, or
- The Colleague who let you have a go at that sales presentation in his place, giving you the opportunity to shine before top management, or
- The Uncle who told you to believe in your dreams and helped you set up your business, or
- The Cousin who always told you were a great photographer, and now you are a well established one, or
- The Ex-girlfriend who told you your writing skills were great and urged you to write more…and now you’re a leading columnist, or
- The Relative who gave you your first platform to speak publicly, and now you are a renowned Master of Ceremonies, or
- The Boyfriend who told you “you sing like a bird” and encouraged you to go for those singing lessons; and now your beautiful voice is what you’re known for, or…
The list is endless, but the message is precise: Someone somewhere contributed to the success that you are today. Do they know?
So go on, call these people and let them know how valuable they are, for indeed the Yoruba adage that says “Ènìyàn l’aso ìbora mi” stands true. For my non-Yoruba speaking friends, it simply means “It is people that cover my nakedness”
Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude.
If you have been inspired by this, then please spread the word, forward on to your friends, click the “share” tab to post on your profile and share with your family and friends…..and let’s start “The Revolution of Appreciation”
Writer – Temitope Olonilua is a passionate person who loves people, shopping and helping people look good. She runs Teeloni’s, an outfit that is into Personal Shopping, Image Styling, Gift Services and Special Events – www.teeloni.com
Do You Wish You Could Go Back In Time?
Posted on 24. Jul, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Connections
There was once a girl who had a secret about her past. It haunted her day and night, sometimes she cried herself to sleep. She had been dating this wonderful guy at the office for nine months, and she was dreading the day he would find out about this secret. It made her ill with worry and she was often sad and depressed. The weight of the guilt was heavy on her, so much so, that she stopped enjoying the present. She began to dwell in the past, reliving her mistakes over and over, worrying and beating herself up over it.
One day, her manager at work found her crying. He called her and asked her what was wrong. Faced with a person who showed concern about her welfare, she finally told him. She had an eight-year old son that nobody knew about. He lived with her mother in a different town and she saw him once a month. The reason she was so upset was that she regretted her mistakes, but she was worried about what her new boyfriend would say or do when he finds out.
Her manager, who was a wise man, asked her a few questions:
Do you regret your past? She said yes.
Do you wish you could go back in time to do things differently? She nodded.
Can you actually go back and change things? She paused for a moment. Then she shook her head.
Is there any way that the mistake would go away? She said no.
Do you realise that while you are hung up about the past, your present and future happiness is slipping away? She paused to reflect on this.
If you cannot change the outcome of your past mistakes, don’t you think it’s time to stop beating yourself up over it? That had not occurred to her.
If you like this guy and you think he likes you too, the best thing you can do is to be honest with him. That way you will be right with yourself. It is a risk, but the result is that no matter what happens, you have let go of the guilt and fear that is holding you back.
She thanked her manager and left his office. Later that evening, she summoned up the courage to tell her boyfriend about her son. To her surprise, he was not upset. In fact, he was delighted to hear that she had a child because he recently found out that he couldn’t have children. The next weekend, they went to visit her mother together. All her worries, fears and anxieties melted away when she saw her boyfriend and her son getting along so well together. By the time they were leaving, her son was sad to see them go, and he asked when her boyfriend could come and visit again. It was a step forward. She didn’t need to worry about her secret anymore.
* * * * *
Now this story is fiction, but I wanted to highlight a few lessons that I’ve learnt recently. One is about dwelling in the past. We all have chapters in our lives that we wish we would erase or re-write. It’s part of life, part of growing up, part of learning who we are. I’ve had to learn to let my past go. I cannot change it, I cannot undo it. And the more I dwelt on it, I found out that it was a heavy burden, sapping my energy, draining the joy of my present, and blocking me from moving on with my future. If this applies to you, I would urge you to take another look at the issue. The past is gone; there is nothing you can do to change what happened. What you can change however, is your attitude. You have to forgive yourself of the mistakes and stop beating yourself over it. You have to deal with the guilt by admitting that you did something wrong, but God will forgive you if you ask Him to. And once you have learnt from the mistake, you can move ahead with your life, knowing that you are a better and wiser person for it.
Another lesson I’ve learnt is sharing my burdens. Some of us pretend that we’ve got it all together, and we don’t need help. We give people an illusion that we have no problems, no weaknesses and no struggles. Yet, we are crumbling under the weight of problems on the inside. We need to stop trying to pretend like we know-it-all and be humble enough to ask for help when we are struggling. Nobody is perfect, nobody knows everything. If you ask for help, it doesn’t make you a weak person; it makes you a wise person.
And finally: honesty. I’ve been told that honesty is the best policy, but sometimes I’m still surprised by the truth in it. I find that, when I come clean and admit my mistakes, people don’t judge me half as bad as I judge myself. Sometimes I’ve been struggling with an issue for months, and finally when I discuss it with hubby, the problem seems to shrink in size to almost nothing. I’ve realised that it’s okay to admit to yourself and your husband that you have weaknesses, fears, doubts and struggles. That’s what is meant by “naked and not ashamed”. You should be comfortable enough with each other to share each other’s struggles, and find solutions together. That’s why he or she is there to support you.
Sometimes I feel quite silly for trying to bear my struggles alone. I think that sometimes, the last person we listen to is our spouse. When we have a problem, we assume we can pray about, or share with a friend, or seek help elsewhere. All of which are good, but they can also be tactics to try and cover up who we are with our spouse. It’s a slippery road; once you start hiding things from your spouse or significant other, you start building a wall between you. And the longer it goes on, the higher that wall becomes. When all we need can just simply be: come clean; admit we have a weakness and we can then work together to find a solution as a couple.
If we reflect on these things, we find that it is fear and pride that holds us back. Fear blows our issues out of proportion, such that, in our minds, we feel we are going to get judged by everyone else. Pride prevents us from admitting that we are not perfect, and we need other people to help us. But what sweet relief we get; when we do confront our fears and swallow our pride. We find peace.
Writer - Tolulope Popoola is a writer and a blogger. She blogs at InMyDreamsItWasSimpler
Photo Credit -Stockbyte
Asake, Apeke & Amoke: Who Is A Thief?
Posted on 08. May, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Connections
Asake: hey babes!
Apeke: what’s up? you are really late today
Asake: yeah, I went to Tare’s office after work.
Amoke: and who is the dude that just gave you a passionate goodnight kiss downstairs?
Asake: you pokenosers! how did you see that?
Apeke: we were peeping through the window!
Asake: that is Tare, he is the guy I have been talking about for one month.
Amoke: he is good looking and looks well loaded too going by his Mercedes Benz R Class, it seems you are finally in good hands my friend!
Apeke: why didn’t he come inside? You should have let us meet him and say hi, don’t you want to show of your gorgeous flat mates?
Asake: he was in a hurry to go home to his sick baby. Don’t worry you will meet him at my birthday next weekend.
Apeke: sick baby? Is he a single dad?
Amoke: or a married man?
Asake: he is married but we love each other.
Apeke: forget it girl, dating a married man never ends well.
Amoke: says who? says who?
Asake: honestly, I am confused too but he said he doesn’t love his wife, that had he met me before he got married he would have chosen me..
Apeke: ha! forget it! that is one lie they all tell!
Amoke: are you saying he doesn’t love her? apeke you can’t say that for sure, he might be an exception to the rule.
Apeke: love is not the point here, for Christ sakes he is married!
Asake: he said he has never been in love till he met me, he believes I am his soul mate.
Apeke: all these in just one month of meeting him? And you believe him?
Asake: well, I love him too much to doubt what he says
Apeke: is he planning to leave his wife for you?
Asake: he’s only been married for two years and his wife just had a baby, so he can’t divorce her now, he said I should give him some time.
Amoke: I hope he is taking good care of you financially sha o! If you can’t have all of him you should at least have his money.
Asake: well he is trying, he works with an oil company and he has even promised to help me get a better job
Amoke: good!
Apeke: amoke! why are you so determined to mislead a fellow flat mate?
Amoke: msheww! apeke you are so naïve! How can you tell her to leave a man who loves her and takes care of her? What have all her single boyfriends given her but heartbreaks? The last one even ran away with her money!
Apeke: that is because she is so gullible to men’s lies and she is about to make the same mistake again.
Asake: abeg stop fighting because of me; I am having a nice time in my relationship o!
Amoke: my dear this is 2010 use what you have to get what you want. I support you.
Apeke: at what cost? Amoke, everything is not about money and you really have to know that at some point in your life
Amoke: well this is about money, love, security, maturity, good look……….all coming from one man!
Asake: I have never loved a man like this before in life, it’s just so unfair that he is married and I can’t have him all to myself
Amoke: its destiny, not everywoman will have a man of her own, some are destined to share other women’s husband, it is destiny and there is nothing you can do about it
Apeke: hehehehe, amoke you will not kill me o! Your old wives fables are so filthy.
Amoke: sorry o, madam goody too good!
Apeke: so tell me, how will you feel if someone is sharing you own husband?
Amoke: when we get to that bridge we will cross it.
Apeke: exactly what I expected you to say, stop deceiving yourself amoke, what is bad is bad.
Amoke: Asake, abeg follow your heart jare, if it leads you to be his mistress then by all means be his mistress.
Asake: he loves me a lot, I can see it in his eyes, the way he talks to me, and treats me with affection and care, but I am really confused. I want a man I can call my own, that I can dream of living happily ever after with.
Amoke: there is no gain without pain my dear, just focus on the big picture
Apeke: I know you love him, I can see it your eyes that you do
Amoke: yet you tell her to leave him, you contradict yourself girl!
Apeke: amoke can you just shut up for a while, I beg you in God’s name!
Apeke: in this kind of relationship we all know love is not enough, i don’t think you should close your eyes and conscience to this looming disaster.
Asake: you said love is not enough? with love we can work things out and overcome the barriers on our way, its just a matter of time
Apeke: let me ask you a question, and you too amoke.
Amoke: there goes the preacher!
Apeke: a poor man needs money to pay for his daughter’s school fees, so he takes up a gun and comes to your house, takes all your hard earned valuables to pay for his daughters school fees.
He stole to safe his child from illiteracy, that is surely justified?
Amoke: why is he denying other people of their hard earned valuables to safe his own daughter, that is selfish. i think he should go and work hard to make money to cater for his family instead of stealing.
Asake: it is wrong to take what doesn’t belong to you, no matter the excuse.
Amoke: so what is the head and tail of your story?
Apeke: asake is just like that theif!
Asake: say what?
Apeke: no matter how much you need or love a married man, it is wrong for you to have him because he belongs to another woman. Whatever excuse you give can never be justified, as long as he is married to another woman, you should not have him.
Asake: remember he was the one who asked me out first, i didn’t go chasing him
Apeke: yeah, you can’t change him from being an unfaithful bastard, but you can choose not to be the thief he cheats with.
Asake: I am even more confused now
Apeke: its not complicated, just think about it with your church mind, the world will be a better place if we all use our church minds.
Apeke: amoke? won’t you say something?
Amoke: hmmnnn! no comments, I am asleep.
Apeke: exactly what i thought you would say.
© Femme Lounge
Photo Credit: Jennifer Borton
Women! Do We Hate Each Other?
Posted on 12. Apr, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Connections
I attended church on one fine Sunday morning. I had been invited to that particular church by a friend. It was just after I left my own church. Yes, I left my own church for the simple reason that a newly married man was making passes at me. He sent me innumerable unanswered messages for a period of two months (plus). I didn’t want to stop attending the church. I don’t run and I don’t quit! However, I was advised to, for fear that if the cat was finally let out of the bag, I would be found guilty. After all, I am single, and a woman. I would naturally be found to be desperate and guilty… so I left. I left my own church and attended a friend’s church on this fine Sunday morning.
In church, a woman was to preach and I was excited about it. It was ‘Women’s Week’ and I am a feminist. On approaching the podium, she took her time to list the changes women had to make to be better wives, better women. God wanted that for us, she said.
- We must look good always.
- We must ensure our husbands look good always.
- We must cook for our husbands.
- We must respect our husbands.
- We must not deny our husbands ‘in bed’.
- We must look after the home.
- We must look after the children.
- We must respect and regard our in-laws.
- We must be diligent at work.
- We must appreciate that men are the way they are and learn to deal with them.
- We must
- We must…
She then said to the men,
- Be patient with your wives.
- Love them.
- Care for them.
She did not elaborate on the kind of love and care husbands ought to show their wives. She assumed that they understood already. She overestimated men’s understanding of care and love while carefully explaining it to women.
As a result, I got angry. I looked forward to question time if there was going to be one so that I could express my distaste but there wasn’t one so I went home in anger and stayed there! Why was I angry? I was reminded of the immensity of pressure on women even by women. I ask women, do we hate each other? Our to-do list is so long yet we only plead with men to ‘be nice’. If they listen to our plea, oh joy! If not, we MUST deal with it. They say it’s their nature…
What nature? Men, it has to stop! Your so called nature is not getting you, us, and the family circle very far! Some of you are good however this goes out to those of you who aren’t… you know who you are!
You too can look good always!
You can cook!
You can take no for an answer while we are in bed without necessarily going outside to get some!
You can look after the home!
You can look after the children!
You can respect and regard your in-laws!
You can remain diligent at work while doing all of these… and
You can appreciate women and learn to deal with us too!
It’s a 50-50 thing! It really must be for it to work …for it to be enjoyable! Let’s break the mould… together! God will be pleased.
Image – gettyimages
Writer – Éjire
Are You Having an Emotional Affair?
Posted on 15. Nov, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Connections
Kate meet James when she joined a new Accounting Firm two years ago, James was her supervisor and the first time they met, he actually struck her as a bit shy and withdrawn. But a few months into their working relationship, something changed. James started warming up to her with special attention; she warmed up to him too. Soon their conversations turned from work related issues to easy banter about everything personal and later it became flirtation. They shared many similar things in common, and they soon became inseparable.
She convinced herself that she wasn’t doing anything wrong; after all they were not having sex. And couldn’t she have a friend who happened to be male? She also told her husband about him, even sharing when they would meet for lunch. Her husband, who is very busy with a demanding job and hardly spends enough time at home, trusted her completely and didn’t raise an eyebrow.
In the midst of working full time and caring for her two children, e-mailing and talking with James felt like an innocent escape. James was always a call away to encourage her and guide her through difficult times; they spend hours talking on the phone and chatting on the internet. She increasingly found herself sharing more and more of her goals and dreams with James and was withdrawing from her husband more and more. Her conversation with her husband became very casual and it became only about the children and general issues.
She started looking forward to her regular interactions with James in a way that was all too consuming, and never missed her husband when he wasn’t around. It was James not her husband who was beginning to fill a key emotional need in her life. She was having an emotional affair.
Emotional infidelity often starts when you share intimate details of your life with someone else apart from your partner. The person probably make you feel good and special and you like the feeling of affection you have when you are with them, you then begin to put the bulk of your emotions into the person’s hands.
The signs of an emotional infidelity may be more subtle than those of a sexual infidelity, and even if you never so much as touch him, this emotional attachment has just as much potential as a sexual fling to damage your relationship. When you save up your innermost thoughts, and interesting personal experiences to be spilled to the other guy instead of your spouse then you are doing your relationship harm and it’s not fair to your partner.
According to a relationship expert, emotional affairs are happening more often because so many of us feel emotionally isolated, Whether it’s because of our demanding jobs or the hours we spend on the Internet instead of with our families, friends, and communities, we’ve become increasingly distanced both physically and emotionally from other people, including our spouses. And when we’re not regularly sharing our lives and feelings with those close to us, we ultimately begin to fill their space with someone else.
To avoid emotional affair it’s important to keeping members of the opposite sex out of your intimate life, find polite ways to stop your discussions from being too personal or intimate. Emotional affairs begin with personal discussions, and grow more intimate as time goes on.
Also, avoid regular, ongoing personal conversations with one particular person and watch who you talk to make sure you are not making deep emotional investments with the inappropriate person. It’s important to know that friendship with the opposite sex can become a problem when it becomes a replacement for a marriage, and also be careful of seemingly innocent actions such as dancing, kissing, or hugging members of the opposite sex
Be honest with yourself if you’re attracted to someone outside your marriage, be honest about the potential for an emotional affair and do something to stop it before it grows out of hand.
Emotional infidelity is rarely planned; it often arises from innocent friendships that went too far, that became too intimate.
Sell Sex!
Posted on 24. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Pillow Talk
This land is incredibly green. The diversity of our dense population is a big plus that allows all kinds of businesses to thrive. Whatever your product or service is, you will surely have a market in a share of the population. It’s like a big body of water, fetch, wash, and drink from it yet it will never run dry.
All you have to do is identify and research your target market and reach out to them in the way they understand best. If you are lucky enough to be one of the first few players in your industry, then you are in for a constant jolly ride to the banks. (at least till a million more people start the good, the bad and ugly versions of your business).
Is your boutique located in the high brow areas and stocked up with the top range quality products by designers from all over the world, or your shop is in the heart of the Yaba market filled with cheap second hand products massively imported from lands across the Atlantic? Do you run a posh Moroccan restaurant on the Island or a grubby mama put buka in a makeshift tent under the Obalende Bridge?
No matter what you sell or how you sell it, you can still claim a sizeable chunk of the population as your market.
We have a wide off the mark differences in class, income, education, gender, religion, shapes, sizes, etcetera and every day I see people taking advantage of this. Both the big and small businesses are thriving without interference.
Just in case you are already thinking of how to partake of this flowing milk and honey too, I’ve got a big one for you – Sell Sex!
With a population of 140 million, about 60% of which are between the ages of 18 – 60 (where the very sexually active resides), I don’t understand the hush hush about sex around here. I keep wondering why it has taken so long for more people to take advantage of this amazingly endless market.
Now let’s face it, many of us have serious relationship-threatening sexual problems and really wish we have somewhere to turn to for informed and responsible help. We need a holistic approach to sexual advice that will focus on a balanced and all inclusive sexual experience, helping us to understand the spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical aspects of sex.
Now here is what I try to imagine, when I think of the business. Call it a sex shop or whatever you think will be appropriate.
Here you go!
It is not hidden in a dark alley, it is situated on a regular street and customers don’t lower their heads, or have a hurried dash in and out for fear of being seen, they can make eye contact without a feeling of embarrassment.
The atmosphere brings all senses into play. The interior is thematic and appealing to the eyes, customers are welcomed by a soft romantic music in the background, the air is filled with tender invigorating smell, while they walk around they can pick up decadent and delectable desserts, and when they have to sit, the softness of the silky and plush sofa welcomes them.
There are categorized sections with wide array of products ranging from sex education books and videos, sensual musicals, assorted condoms, creams, lubricants, massage oils, scented candles, sex toys, fancy costumes, roses, edible sexual products, supplements, whatever your fantasy can accommodate.
There is also a counseling section where they can talk to a male or female expert depending on their preference, about any sexual challenge. They will provide education, recommendations, trainings, medical examinations and therapy.
The customer care people would have seen it all and so they will be highly motivated to put customers at ease, when they are asked questions, they pleasantly give guide, information and they also provide round the clock, help lines and online support.
There you go! What do you think?
Trust me it’s a viable business. In this Tattooing, boob jobing, strip clubbing days in Nigeria, your harvest is surely overripe.
WARNING
Watch out for religious hypocrites who will pretend like sex is dirty, they will criticize you and threaten you with hell!
Circle Of Friends
Posted on 12. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Connections
When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.
One friend is needed when you’re going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you’re going through things with your mom.
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, ‘Let’s cry together,’
Another, ‘Let’s fight together,’
Another, ‘Let’s walk away together.’
One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.
But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ..
Those are your best friends
It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many, it’s wrapped up in several..
One from 7th grade,
One from high school,
Several from the college years,
A couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbor,
On others, your sisters,
And on some days, your daughters.
Author Unknown
In Linda's Shoes
Posted on 28. Aug, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Connections
Pursuit of Happyness is certainly an inspiring movie. It featured Chris, a young family man under an intense financial pressure that was posing a threat to his chances in life, his relationship and the future of his son.
The story focused mainly on Chris’ rough path to eventual success, but I couldn’t help a zoom in on Linda, Chris’ partner (Girlfriend? Wife?), I had a minute thinking about the realities of her situation.
A flashback had shown her as a bright young woman ready to face the future with her man, but after years of struggling for survival from an unyielding investment, she became an aging, irksome and nagging partner.
She had a low paying job that was their major source of income, and she was desperate for change. A change that would make her leave her partner, in pursuit of a life that offers her better things in New York. It looked like a painful decision, but she made it.
She isn’t so much of a recommendable role model, you might say, but I think she is a good subject for an analysis.
I understand what it means to be in her shoes, I know young women who still wear them all round and believe me they aren’t Gucci made, these women have had to decide if their dreams would worth their goodbyes.
Overwhelming financial concerns sometimes create strains that affect the expression of our love as women, not always because we want to be materialistic or selfish, but because we innately desire all round stability in our relationships. (I think!)
The extent we can go to meet this need and the maturity at handling associated issues however differs.
Maybe opting out of such relationship is not often the best way, whether we choose another relationship that promises a better future or independently pursues our dreams like Linda. The truth is we often have to make choices that demand sacrifice.
The key question we should ask ourselves is ‘is it worth it?’
There may not be the desired financial buoyancy now, but can you see love, teamwork, focus, determination and an uphill struggle towards success and can you really hold up the faith for a breakthrough? If you are convinced, then you might just be on your way to success!
If you are not convinced, I guess you have to decide if you are ready for a lifetime of regrets and constant torment, from dreams deferred and denied, and only hope to be able to find self forgiveness someday. It’s entirely up to you!
Well Linda chose what would make her happy, she didn’t want her opportunity for a new life to be gone forever, for whatever reasons, she chose to say goodbye, whether it was worthwhile or not, I don’t know.
Maybe with a little patience they would have shared the victory together, maybe not. Maybe if she had stayed, he wouldn’t even have been driven so hard to be successful, maybe not.
And like a friend says, maybe after the financial breakthrough he wouldn’t even care about her again. (Hmmm!), I will still say maybe not.
Just my rambling you should say, after all it’s just a movie, my buts and ifs won’t alter the scripts, but the scripts really made me think.
Source: Femme Lounge Library
Are You Killing Your Depressed Loved One?
Posted on 28. Aug, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Healthwise
Are You Killing Your Depressed Loved One With Kindness?
Throughout my years of living with my wife Sharon’s debilitating depression, I learned a great many things.
One of the most difficult lessons was to be able to tell when my attempts to help her were actually making things much worse. Most often when there is depression in the home, the one who has the depression imposes their will and their illness on the entire family, and the rest of the family walks on egg-shells all the time so as not to set the depressed person off. Such was the case in our home.
For the first several years of our marriage, I ended up being highly subservient, not to Sharon but to her depression, I would spend my life doing everything I could possibly think of to make life as easy as possible so that she wouldn’t be depressed anymore.
I would make sure the kids were quiet all the time, that everything in the house was exactly the way Sharon wanted it. I would spend enormous amounts of money to buy Sharon anything she said she wanted that might help her be happy.
I would cancel obligations that she made on her behalf and make excuses for her.
Basically my life purpose was to make Sharon happy, so that our family could be happy and in so doing I lost myself.
After several years of this constant and persistent pressure to keep Sharon happy so her depression wouldn’t win, I began to release that not only was I not helping her, she was getting obviously worse.
It wasn’t until we had lost our home, all of our savings, our investments, our friends, our happiness, our hope and now my health that I clued into something important, I was killing her with kindness.
All of my efforts and focus to try to make her happy only made things worse
This phenomena is known as ‘’enablement”. By providing Sharon with an environment where she didn’t have to be responsible for ANYTHING in her life, all I was doing was proving her illness with a perfect environment in which to grow.
Once my eyes were opened a little, I began to do things a little differently, I began to allow Sharon to take responsibility for her own actions, and face the consequences of her decisions while shielding myself as much as possible from those consequences.
I began to refuse to make excuses for her, she had to make herself, I began to allow myself to do some of the things I loved to do in life and if she objected, I allowed her to object but did not allow her to manipulate me, if she didn’t like some small thing I left it for her to change instead of taking ownership of it myself. Of course, all of this in the most loving and supporting posture possible.
After a very short time, and some resistance from Sharon, I began to notice that she was starting to take responsibility for her own life on a much larger scale. This made life so much easier for everyone in the family
Of course I didn’t always get it right but I got it right enough of the time that it made a huge difference in our lives.
If you feel that your depressed loved one has control over your life or if you fell that they depend on you far more that they should consider your actions. Try to identify those actions that might contribute to the enabling of the depression.
Essentially a depressed person is not a disabled person and for the most part they can accept responsibilities just like everyone else can. In fact they need to in order to allow themselves to take control of their life back.
Stop killing your depressed loved one with kindness, and watch your life at home change for the better!
Writer – Steve Lowell is the Author of the audio Program ‘’Victory for the Silent Victim: A Survival Guide for those Whose Loved Ones Suffers from Depression or Anxiety at www.victoryforthesilentvictim.com
