Help! My Husband Was A Serial Rapist!
Posted on 28. Feb, 2010 by Lounge Lady in Real Women Real Issues
Question By Confused Wife;
I meet Lara eight months ago when Michael, my husband’s best friend introduced her as his fiancée. We hit it off right from the first day we met and have been very good friends since then, it’s like we have known each other for years.
Sometime ago she called me on a Sunday morning and asked me to meet her at her parents’ house, I was wondering what was happening because she had already moved in with Michael in readiness for their upcoming wedding.
When I got there she held my hands and led me into a room, I could sense she had been crying, her eyes were red. I kept asking her if she had a fight with Michael or caught him with another woman.
When we entered the room, she closed the door behind her and turned to me, She said, “please brace yourself up, because what I am about to tell you, will change your life forever”.
The night before, Michael had woke her up in the middle of the night and said, he had been keeping a secret for many years and cannot live with it anymore, so he decided to tell her.
He said, he and three of his friends were serial rapists while they were in university, and they did it continuously for three years in and outside the campus and didn’t stop until one of their victims, a girl of about 12years died.
I opened my mouth in shock, wondering what kind of monster Michael is, before I could catch my breath, Lara said, “I am sorry to tell you this, but your husband was one of them”.
I dashed home with my heart pounding so fast, I had never been that scared in my life. To my shock when I asked my husband he smiled and brushed it aside casually and said it was just youthful exuberance.
He is not even showing any remorse or soberness, I tried to talk him into seeing a counselor in church, (we are not so spiritual but we believe in God) and then he got angry and said I should never talk to him about it again.
My husband has raped countless women and killed one, I am afraid that the repercussion of his devilish acts can bring calamities on me and my children, especially since he is not repentant. I am willing to forgive him and move on if only he gets sober and repentant of his actions.
Right now I am thinking of staying away from him, I feel like I am married to a beast and a stranger, I don’t even know what evil he is capable of doing again.
He wants me to pretend it never happened. How possible is that?
- Confused Wife ( married for 17 months, with a 9 months old baby)
(Do you or do you know somebody that has a question or an issue that you will like to have other women’s opinion on? please send it to info@femmelounge.org for our Real Women,Real Issues Column. Identity will not be revealed)
Fola Adewole ~ The Chic With A Magical Click!
Posted on 21. Feb, 2010 by Lounge Lady in She
For some people, knowing what they want to be when they grow up is easy, for many others, trying to figure it out hasn’t been a walk in the park. Fola Adewole, a wedding and lifestyle photographer, fell in love with photography in 2004 when she got a film camera, and today she is taking over the world with her photography, one happy smile at a time. She creatively captures unique moments and freezes them in time forever!
After many visits to Fola’s Photoblog, Femme Lounge has this to say to readers: Put on your best clothes, have a makeup done on you and have a photo shoot. You know how you admire models in magazines and try out different poses in front of a mirror? Now go do it without inhibitions, express yourself before a camera. It is totally unforgivable, to go through life without experiencing the breath taking magic of photography!
Be inspired by her interview and her stunningly beautiful images filled with life and color!
Hello Fola,
- Tell us a bit about yourself and your background?
I am a child of God, a wife to my wonderful husband and a creative photographer of fabulous people.
- Did you go to school to study photography?
Not at all. I fell in love with photography in 2004 when I got a film camera (Canon), I loved it but did not really know how to use it, so I went to Don Barber’s workshop, he did only one on one sessions, I learnt the art of black and white film – printing and developing. Later in 2008 I made a transition to digital influenced by husband who is also a photographer. We are largely self-taught but I have attended workshops taught by Jesh de Rox (a very creative photographer he began changed the photography industry with his textures), Jessica Claire (one of the world’s best photographers, she is a master of natural light especially backlighting) and also by Bob and Dawn Davis (one of Oprah’s preferred photographers and also geniuses with off-camera lighting)
- At what point did you know you wanted to be a photographer & what sacrifices have you made?
During my time in grad school, I had spent most of my time second shooting with my husband Abayomi of Abayomifotos, Ayesha Onyekwelu of Bedazzled Photography, Tunji Sarumi of Tunji Sarumi Photography and Joseph Alawode of Dynamic Flair and I realized how much fun I was having, I then decided to go for a Jesh De Rox workshop and when I got there I noticed most of the photographers there were passionate, energetic and creative people. It was then I decided to abandon any doubts I had and surrender fully myself to my passion, thankfully I have a very supportive husband who has always helped in every way with advice, second shooting and even technical support.
- When you are passionate about something you can do it for free, how true has that been for you?
This is true, we believe in sowing seeds in the lives of people and that’s why last year we decided to run a free wedding competition, which we believe, was won by a very deserving couple.
- Just wondering, have you ever been a tomboy? ☺
Yes, always have been and always will be.
- How do you keep yourself motivated and your work fresh?
With prayer, my husband, simple things that surround us and also by checking out the works of photographers I truly admire.
- What type of photography do you shoot: travel, wedding, food, nature?
Primarily wedding photography
- If not a photographer what would you have been?
A writer
- The hardest part of your job?
None, we love every part of it.
- The best part of your job?
Meeting new people, sharing their special moments with them and becoming part of creating wonderful memories for them
- I know photographer invest a lot in their equipments, what are you’re saving up for now?
More lenses, workshops and camera bodies
- If you could be invisible for one day with your camera where would you go?
Into heaven – I am so curious about what it will look like and if my camera will function
- What has been your most memorable shoot and why?
An engagement session we did at Ocean City, the couple was a very fun and creative one. It was a vintage style shoot, she actually showed up in a swimsuit, they had letter signs of their initials, it was so cool.
- Most successful women have had to climb on the shoulders of others to have a clearer view of the road ahead them, who are your own mentors?
My mother and my husband.
- What are the challenges you encounter in your work?
The African Time Factor – African weddings generally do not start on time or end on time, which mean we have to work harder to get the best pictures.
- Your greatest strengths and skills that has been particularly been of help in achieving this.
Prayer, love and professionalism
- What’s the future beckoning you to?
To becoming a better us – in photography and in love.
- What do you think are the success essentials for today’s young women?
God, creativity and focus
- What advice do you have for photographers just starting out?
Practice, practice, practice!
- Tell us One thing you know for sure
With God all things are possible
- Where and how can we know more about your work?
In My Dreams, It Was Simpler!
Posted on 08. Feb, 2010 by Lounge Lady in She
Life is not as simple as we want it to be. That is one of the important lessons we took away from an interview with Tolu Popoola, the pleasantly warm and hardworking personality behind the Favoured Girl Blogs who also just published “In My Dreams, It Was Simpler’’ a book she co-authored with eight other writers.
She takes us into her world of blogging, writing and writing some more!
Tell us a bit about your background?
My name is Tolulope Popoola, I’m married to my best friend and biggest fan, I’m a writer and blogger. I grew up in Lagos, Nigeria – the first of three children. I attended FGGC Sagamu and Doregos Private Academy finishing in 1999, did A’levels at Oxbridge College in 2000. I came to study in the UK, completing my first degree in Accounting and Economics at London Metropolitan University in 2003. Then I did my Masters in Finance and Investment at the University of Nottingham, graduating in 2005. I started working as an accountant, but I gave it up in 2008 to become a full-time writer. I’m a bookworm, thanks to my dad who instilled the love of reading in me from a very young age.
How long have you been writing and blogging?
I started blogging in 2006 but I have always been a writer. I have memories of scribbling made-up stories when I was in primary school. Growing up I always kept a journal, and writing was my therapy when I was going through the angst-filled teenage years.
At what point exactly did you know you wanted to be a writer and what sacrifices have you had to make?
I started getting bored with my job, my commute and the stress of the 9 to 5 routine in early 2007. I realised that I would be miserable if I remained an accountant for the rest of my life. I started thinking about what job I could do that will bring me fulfilment. Blogging had rekindled my love for writing and the more I thought about it, the more I realised that I will always be happy when I am writing. From then on, it was only a matter of time before I left my accounting career. In terms of sacrifices, I would say the only thing I have given up is the security of a regular paycheck. It was scary, but I knew that I had to take that risk. I have no regrets, except maybe I wish I had done it sooner!
Favoured Girl and Tolulope Popoola, how different are they?
Favoured Girl is one side of Tolulope. When I started blogging, I wanted to be anonymous, so I chose Favoured Girl as my online pseudonym. I would like to think they are the same person, but I am much more than just the things I blog about. Tolu is quiet and shy, so Favoured Girl is a more expressive side of me. I express myself better when I write.
Tell us all about the book, In My Dreams It Was Simpler
The book is a series that myself and eight other bloggers started working on last year. It all started when I came across a wedding album on Facebook one day and I thought the groom looked like a cousin of mine who was already married to someone else. This gave me an idea and a few days later, I wrote a short story titled My Dilemma. I put it on my short story blog and also pasted it as a note on Facebook. I got good feedback from people who read it, and lots of people asked for a Part 2 to the story. Initially I didn’t think about it until someone left a comment saying that the story could be turned into a series. That caught my attention and it sounded like a neat idea, so I decided to expand the plot and the characters to see what I could do with them. Then I invited some bloggers and asked if they were interested in writing a group story. Thankfully, they agreed to come on board and the series began on our blog, which we updated every Friday. The other writers are: Latifat Ayoola, Tade Thompson, Ayodele Alofe, Diamond Hawk, Jaycee, Rayo, Flourishing Florida and Writefreak. Each of us writes from a different character’s point of view. The main characters in the story are: Lola, Titi, Funmi, Maureen, Dolapo, Temmy, Dayo, Folake and Wole. The series includes themes that affect the modern young female – such as relationships, fidelity, secrets, moral dilemmas, friendships, cultural conflicts and career choices. The blog ran for eight months and we had lots of followers and regular readers. After a while we started getting requests from our readers, urging us to compile the posts into a book, so that’s what we’ve done with the current story now. The series will continue in February.
What has it been like working with a team of other writers on this book?
It’s been great! Lots of hard work, but fun as well. We’ve learnt to work to a schedule and be flexible regarding the storylines we come up with. I think it also works well because each of the characters has a different voice. Each of us brings something different to the table, so the end result is better than what I could have done on my own. And because we each have the freedom to do what we want with the characters, I’ve also enjoyed the suspense of waiting for the weekly updates from the rest of the team. I hope that excitement and suspense feeds through the book as well.
How has been the response of readers to the book so far?
The response and support we’ve had from our readers has been very positive. We had good feedback from our readers when the series was online, so we are really pleased that the book is also doing well.
Any reviews or criticism yet?
So far we’ve got positive reviews! Someone said she read the book and felt like she was watching a movie because it felt so real. People have told me that they can relate to the characters and their lives. Another commenter on our blog said:
“In My Dreams It Was Simpler” ….wow! Fantastic book. Had me reeling… turning pages on and on, and then left me still very hungry for more. I loved it. The story line is fantastic…with lots and lots to learn, one of which is, “Ladies, let’s leave other ladies’ men alone”. I loved Wole’s, Lola’s and Funmi’s characters the most, but really, I loved all the characters…like they were my own family. Keep up the good job. I really can’t wait for the next one when it comes out. I am hungry, very hungry for more!
What lesson would you want readers to take away from the book?
One lesson is this: we may have plans, dreams and goals for ourselves but some things are out of our control and we find our dreams don’t quite match up with reality. Life is not always as simple as we want it to be.
Most successful women have had to climb on the shoulders of others to have a clearer view of the road ahead them, who are your own mentors?
I have so many, going back to Louisa May Alcott, Mabel Segun, Enid Blyton, Buchi Emecheta and more recently, Rose Tremain, Sadie Jones, Sefi Atta and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I’ve learnt different things from each of them. In particular, I am very grateful for the friendship and support of Abidemi Sanusi (author of Kemi’s Journal). She’s taken me under her wing since I began my writing journey. She has and continues to be a source of inspiration, encouragement and motivation.
What are the challenges you encountered in writing and publishing the book.
Since I didn’t write it alone, the book itself was not too difficult. Each member of the team did a great job working on their character’s life and individual dramas. The main challenge was getting the individual plot lines and different chapters to come together into one story. We had to read the chapters over and over again to ensure that we didn’t overlook any important detail that could change the direction of the story. The decision to self-publish it was a bit of a risk, as none of us had any experience with that side of the business. This presented a huge responsibility as we had to make all the decisions regarding the book ourselves – from choosing the cover to using the right formats. It was quite daunting; but it was a good learning experience and we are very pleased with how the final product turned out.
What significant life lessons have you learnt on this journey?
Believe in yourself and the talents God has placed inside of you. Stop procrastinating. God gives the ideas and opportunities, but you have work to bring them to life.
Your greatest strengths and skills that has been particularly been of help in achieving this.
I think for every fiction writer, the main skills you need are the power of observation, and an active imagination. Creating a story based on made-up characters requires both of this because you have to use your imagination, and also bring in aspects of real life that you have observed. I’ve heard someone say – writers are professional eavesdroppers, lol. I’ve learnt how to take inspiration from real life and turn it into fiction.
Your most fulfilling moment from inception of the idea till now.
I’ve had so many, but the best moment was when I first saw the proof copy of the novel. It was amazing, for days I kept looking at the book and thinking, “Wow, this is real!”
What’s the future beckoning you to?
I have many more books in me yet! I’m only at the beginning of my writing career but I know that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I don’t have any “formal” training in Creative Writing or Literature so I would like to go back to uni to do a degree in the field in the not-too-distant future. Long term, I would like to create opportunities for other aspiring writers to develop their voice, improve their craft and market their work. I also want to develop some of my other passions in art and photography, amongst other things.
What do you think are the success essentials for today’s young women?
Have a dream and make plans towards achieving it. If you don’t have a dream now, you cannot have a “dream come true” in future. Invest in something you are passionate about, that drives you and motivates you everyday. If it’s not your day job, find something else worth devoting your time and energy to. It could be a hobby, a business, a personal goal, but we all need something we are very passionate about. And never give up on your dream, even when you face challenges. Pick yourself up and carry on.
One thing you know for sure
I know that He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it.
Where and how can we know more about your work?
My blogspot profile: http://www.blogger.com/profile/06799796628809329966
Series Blog: http://inmydreamsitwassimpler.blogspot.com
Preview and Sample Chapter: http://www.freado.com/book/5498/In-My-Dreams-It-Was-Simpler
Buy the Book from: http://stores.lulu.com/inmydreamsseries
Buy the Book from Amazon UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/My-Dreams-Was-Simpler/dp/1445254204/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266769368&sr=1-1
Buy the Book from Amazon US: http://www.amazon.com/My-Dreams-Was-Simpler/dp/1445254204/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266769614&sr=1-1
Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Tolulope-Popoola/55740442780
Follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/TolulopePopoola
Be Fashigeous!
Posted on 08. Feb, 2010 by Lounge Lady in iStyle
The Femme Lounge Fashion Patrol is here again and this time we are here to tell you how to be fashigeous! Yes you heard right – you can be fashigeous (fashionably gorgeous) with our easy to follow advice:
Here you go!
- When you go shopping for clothes make sure you get something that suits your figure and flatters your shape… get classic pieces and my rule of thumb is that if you have to ask a second opinion about it – it ain’t hawt! Buy only things you absolutely love and can already imagine at least two things to pair it with in your wardrobe
- Buy fashion magazines… and check out what the models are wearing…the hair dos, make up… you can keep the hot trends in mind that way… you might not want to follow them every inch of the way but you know what is going on and they will help your creative juices flow….
- Cute clothes are great… revealing cloth is not… be stylish and adventurous when shopping for your clothes… stop filling your wardrobe with black under the pretext that it’s a safe colour that goes with everything… the fashionistas have tried to get you to try other colours with all the “purple is the new black” “green is the new black” fads so even if they haven’t succeeded the idea is that ‘there are other colours out there apart from black’
- Wear bright colors - Like I said before… black is not the only colour out there, now take it further and wear bright colours, it will most likely give you some confidence.. so go after the pinks, yellows, turquoise blues and printed pieces… they will put a spring in your steps…
- Pay attention to your hair – woven, braided, straighten, curled, coloured…. Anything…. as long as it’s impeccable… and there are all kinds of cute accessories out there like headbands and ribbons to help you! Dirty hair and hair flying around is not cool and even though coloured hair is great, four or five colours is not! Femme Lounge Fashion patrol is big on hair… horrible hair will ruin the best of outfits.
- Beauty exists in all shapes and colors….Exaggerate your best parts….you don’t have to have best everything to be gorgeous… but if you have gorgeous eyes, show them with eye shadow and liner… if your hair is gorgeous…. Black… long wavy… show it! If its your nails or legs, teeth or lips the list of best parts is endless… play yours up… and if you are struggling with the fact that nothing about you is beautiful, then you are wrong… ask a girlfriend or male friend what your prettiest feature is… someone trying to get into your pants doesn’t count in this survey.
- Exercise- yes that dreaded word…. Sit ups, legs up, jogging, skipping…. Do something… you could join a gym or buy an exercise video and work out at home. If doing it alone is boring, get your friends together and exercise together…. It will encourage all of you and the idea of an ‘Exercise Thursday’ with the girls is fab… seriously… everybody can’t have a gorgeous face but EVERYBODY can have a gorgeous body!
- Watch what you eat! … Don’t starve but honestly cakes, chocolates and ice cream do not help your skin, waist or nothing… so don’t indulge so much. Eat a healthy diet with plenty of vegetables, protein, fruit, moderate carbohydrates and drink plenty of water.
- Smile – perfect and radiate a bright gorgeous smile. Say hello with a bright go lucky smile
- Finally a gorgeous attitude beats anything else so -Be Gorgeous with Attitude.Be kind, considerate, polite and respectful whenever possible. And if you remember that someone’s got it worse than you ever can, you have every reason to stay positive!
Now go ye forth and be fashigeous!
Your Fashion Patrol - Ronke Eni Akinboye
www.eniiakinbo.co.uk, style@eniiakinbo.co.uk
