Sell Sex!

Posted on 24. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Pillow Talk

This land is incredibly green. The diversity of our dense population is a big plus that allows all kinds of businesses to thrive. Whatever your product or service is, you will surely have a market in a share of the population. It’s like a big body of water, fetch, wash, and drink from it yet it will never run dry.

All you have to do is identify and research your target market and reach out to them in the way they understand best. If you are lucky enough to be one of the first few players in your industry, then you are in for a constant jolly ride to the banks. (at least till a million more people start the good, the bad and ugly versions of your business).

Is your boutique located in the high brow areas and stocked up with the top range quality products by designers from all over the world, or your shop is in the heart of the Yaba market filled with cheap second hand products massively imported from lands across the Atlantic? Do you run a posh Moroccan restaurant on the Island or a grubby mama put buka in a makeshift tent under the Obalende Bridge?

No matter what you sell or how you sell it, you can still claim a sizeable chunk of the population as your market.

We have a wide off the mark differences in class, income, education, gender, religion, shapes, sizes, etcetera and every day I see people taking advantage of this. Both the big and small businesses are thriving without interference.

Just in case you are already thinking of how to partake of this flowing milk and honey too, I’ve got a big one for you – Sell Sex!

With a population of 140 million, about 60% of which are between the ages of 18 – 60 (where the very sexually active resides), I don’t understand the hush hush about sex around here. I keep wondering why it has taken so long for more people to take advantage of this amazingly endless market.

Now let’s face it, many of us have serious relationship-threatening sexual problems and really wish we have somewhere to turn to for informed and responsible help. We need a holistic approach to sexual advice that will focus on a balanced and all inclusive sexual experience, helping us to understand the spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical aspects of sex.

Now here is what I try to imagine, when I think of the business. Call it a sex shop or whatever you think will be appropriate.

Here you go!

It is not hidden in a dark alley, it is situated on a regular street and customers don’t lower their heads, or have a hurried dash in and out for fear of being seen, they can make eye contact without a feeling of embarrassment.

The atmosphere brings all senses into play. The interior is thematic and appealing to the eyes, customers are welcomed by a soft romantic music in the background, the air is filled with tender invigorating smell, while they walk around they can pick up decadent and delectable desserts, and when they have to sit, the softness of the silky and plush sofa welcomes them.

There are categorized sections with wide array of products ranging from sex education books and videos, sensual musicals, assorted condoms, creams, lubricants, massage oils, scented candles, sex toys, fancy costumes, roses, edible sexual products, supplements, whatever your fantasy can accommodate.

There is also a counseling section where they can talk to a male or female expert depending on their preference, about any sexual challenge. They will provide education, recommendations, trainings, medical examinations and therapy.

The customer care people would have seen it all and so they will be highly motivated to put customers at ease, when they are asked questions, they pleasantly give guide, information and they also provide round the clock, help lines and online support.

There you go! What do you think?

Trust me it’s a viable business. In this Tattooing, boob jobing, strip clubbing days in Nigeria, your harvest is surely overripe.

WARNING

Watch out for religious hypocrites who will pretend like sex is dirty, they will criticize you and threaten you with hell!

Ofunneka Molokwu

Posted on 24. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in She

It has been over two years since the Big Brother Africa 2 finalist, Ofunneka Molokwu , returned to Nigeria after many exciting weeks of being on the popular reality show in South Africa,

Femme Lounge caught up with her to find out what she has been up to since then. Here is what the hardworking and strong-minded young woman had to say:

Your Educational and Professional Background?

I am a graduate of University of Ibadan with a B.Sc degree in Chemistry, also the founder of Ofunneka Youth Empowerment Trust Fund (OYETF), an organization which aims to motivate young people to believe in their dreams and never lose sight on who they want to become. I also consult for Nordica Fertility Centre and have a regular fertility column on The National Mirror newspaper. I also write for a youth magazine, Genexx, which is circulated in over 13 universities.

It seems you’ve had your hands full since Big Brother Africa 2, what else have you been up to?

I have been in a movie and soap opera, and I have also been doing public speaking in Universities and youth gatherings. To mention a few, I was at Babcock University, Youth Development Zone at the Calabar Carnival, and recently at Redemptorist’s Youth Week held in Ibadan

I also presently write a regular fertility column for T.W, a female oriented magazine, and a youth magazine called Genexx, which is circulated in about 13 universities. I also recently recorded my own segment on a female focused T.V show, called Every Woman’s World which is shown in at least 5 states of the federation.

So what is the Ofunneka Youth Empowerment Trust fund all about?

Ofunneka Youth Empowerment Trust Fund (OYET-F), is a membership based not-for-profit, non-governmental and non-sectarian organization, established in December 2007 with the purpose of empowering youth to become contributing members of our society, through educational schemes, talent enhancement programs, and volunteer opportunities which we believe will help build self esteem and confidence.

It has as its major sponsor, Multichoice Nigeria, with Idea Builders, Aji-no-moto, ASSEED (African Sustainable Small Enterprise Export Development Foundation), Educare Trust, C& L production, Univoice Media Concept, Flaunt Africa, New York and Mrs. Oluchi Orlandi (nee Onweagba) the first winner of the M-Net Face of Africa, supporting us.

We believe that positive youth development orientation involves shifting attention away from concentrating on problems, and moving towards increasing young people’s exposure to the positive and constructive activities that nurture healthy, responsible, and compassionate young people. We also believe that positive youth development has a dual focus. First, it is about providing opportunities and positive relationships that help youth gain skills and competencies they need to be successful. Second, it prevents involvement in negative self destructive behaviour, thereby enhancing their ability to deal with life challenges.
Where did the inspiration come from?

Well I am a young person, so I’m inevitably helping myself, by helping these young ones…laughs. Actually, having interacted with young people, both during my service year and on daily basis (more now than ever before), I realized that majority of them have lost focus, such that they don’t seem to have any positive goals which they hope to attain in life and are seriously lacking in self-esteem and confidence, especially the female gender (whom I tend to defer to, for obvious reasons). I just felt that I needed to stand up, be a change agent, by doing the little that I can in building our workforce of tomorrow and leaders of today (our youth). Many of these young people need to be mentored and guided, because most of their parents don’t really have time to do so while working or earning a living.
What do you hope to achieve with it?

In the long term, we hope to build a youth centre in Delta State, to cover all the core areas which affect young people, in terms of education, skills acquisition, building their mental capabilities, to mention a few.. Right now we have acquired landed property. For short term goals, we are setting up libraries in public schools and reading clubs, to be backed up with our tutoring/mentoring initiative.

Tell us about your ongoing projects with the youths-

We are presently setting up libraries in public schools, with 4 schools selected in Lagos. Right now, we have commenced on the pilot phase, with Mrs. Oluchi Orlandi’s (nee Onweagba) alma mater (a girls secondary school in Lagos) and speaking publicly to young people, both male and female.

Running a not for profit organization can be really tasking, what has been your challenges?

Just stating them, I’d have to say, funding, volunteers, sponsorship, that is, in cash and kind donations.
Any fulfilling moment on this journey?

It would have to be, the positive feedback we get from youths after every talk we have with them; also Multichoice Nigeria setting up the trust fund account for Ofunneka Youth Empowerment Trust Fund and people wanting to volunteer and donate to our projects.

Most successful women have had to climb on the shoulders of others to have a clearer view of the road ahead them, who are your own mentors?

My parents, they thought me independence, which is why I was able to start working at age 19, they allowed me to explore, make my own mistakes and were always there to catch us (my siblings and I) when we fall.

Another mentor is also Mother Theresa, along with several women along the way who have set me on the right path, given me good advice and made several references which have turned out to be quite helpful.

Your greatest strengths and skills that have been particularly of help in achieving this.

Well I am a hard worker, quite optimistic, passionate about whatever I involve myself in. I believe I have great presentation skills, which were gotten as far back as when I did my I.T in chevron and recently from working with Nordica Fertility Clinic, Ikoyi, also, having run a family business for almost 2 years,

I am quite independent, with above average I.T competence & computer literacy, an effective planner and organizer, risk taker, and am not scared to explore and make mistakes, which I believe makes me a good leader and entrepreneur.

What significant life lessons have you learnt on this journey?

Never to give up, patience and faith even when several doors are slammed in your face, tolerance, never to take things at face value. We can all be change agents, just need to look around and within to find yourself and what you have to offer.
What do you think are the success essentials for today’s young women?

Focus, determination, confidence, resilience, hard work, equipping yourself with information is also very key, and ultimately spiritual connection with your supreme being, who to me is my God.

What’s the future beckoning you to?

To be an acclaimed Social Entrepreneur, which would mean in the next 5- 10 years, I hope to see Ofunneka Youth Empowerment Trust Fund (OYETF), running effectively, with me playing a solely supervisory role, setting up a youth center in Delta State (so far we have acquired landed property, thanks to my father), this should cover the Niger Delta region. I hope to be able to, with OYETF, adopt as many public schools as we are able to, in order to revitalize our educational system, which is ailing and seemingly irreversibly too.

I also see myself becoming an accomplished counselor, dramatist and writer, so watch out for my Memoirs, amongst other books I have planned. Finally, I intend to be married with at least 2 children, well as God decides.

Tell us one thing you know for sure-

I will succeed for certain, no matter what challenges I am faced with in life.

Where and how can we know more about your work?

Visit my website/blog, which are www.oyetf.org / www.ofunneka.blogspot.com , or send questions, queries and / comments via email to ofunnekamolokwu@ymail.com

Stealing by Stealth

Posted on 19. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Etiquette

Stealing? Not me! This could be your reaction to the title of this article, but are you stealing by stealth? I have discovered that being light fingered is so rampant in our society that I am inviting readers to give this a thought and share with me their experience on this matter.

This article is not about armed robbery or heavyweight thievery by politicians, this is about you and me. For example, you have in your possession a book which is not yours, it has been on your bookshelf for two years with the owners’ name written on it, the owner hasn’t asked for it and you have not offered to return it. You may have become comfortable having the book in your possession with the passage of time. ‘I didn’t steal it after all and the owner possibly knows that I have it may be your mentality. But does it make it yours? Does it really matter?

Stealing can be defined as ‘taking or keeping what is not your own without the owner’s permission’. It is a practice that no one would readily admit to, after all, it is the 8^th commandment and no one wants to feel they are breaking God’s rule. So they adjust the goal post by redefining what constitutes stealing.

Stealing can exist in many different forms – the big, the small or the unnoticeable. For example using someone’s phone without their permission is stealing. It’s as good as stealing the person’s money because the owner will have to pay for the telephone usage. This type of stealing by stealth is so covert and ordinary that you may successfully convince yourself that you have not stolen anything.

Perhaps you are in the habit of claiming someone’s belongings by bravado; it’s still stealing by stealth particularly if the person is unwilling to part with it.

In Nigeria today, our definition of stealing has changed so drastically. Words and phrases like ‘doing the business’, ‘carrying out runs’ or ‘odu’ have replaced the simple and direct words like ‘ole’, ‘barawo’, ‘onyeoshi’ which emphatically speaks of theft. Experiences of friends taking items without permission, books lent out and never returned, pens disappearing from your desk, office stationery being used for personal business are all too common today.

It is also a common occurrence these days that the leftover change from an errand is assumed to belong to the person who has carried out the errand. If you ask for the money, the party who has done the errand gets upset and labels you as mean, harsh, wicked and selfish. But let us examine this case without any sentiments, who does the change rightly belong to? Why has is become a norm not to return leftover change. This is a case of keeping what is not offered to you.

Sometimes people take things that are important to others. Late one Sunday evening, my husband found out he needed a particular edition of the UK Sunday Times that comes out once a year. A friend of his who was at our home said he knew someone that was coming to Lagos within days and he generously placed a call to the United Kingdom to request for her assistance. This lady dashed out of her house in London at about 8pm to look for the newspaper and succeeded in getting one which she delivered to my husband’s friend on her arrival in Lagos. Before this could be passed to my husband, someone else visited the office of my husband’s friend whilst he was out and took the paper without informing him. But for his secretary who was present, it would have been a case of whodunit. My husband did not get his paper even with the international call and the massive effort of the poor lady, just because someone could not look and ignore.

Regardless of how you may convince yourself and your chosen views about taking other people’s property, if it is without permission, it is wrong and it is an act of stealing. It may not matter how close you are to the other party or the fact that you think ‘they may not mind’. Perhaps, contrary to your belief, the other party may actually mind. They may be holding their peace because they are unwilling to embarrass you.

Not too long ago, the African society so radically shunned the act of stealing, meting out stiff punishments to culprits, often with families disowning their own in order to make a statement and as a testament to the accepted cultural values.

Let us ponder on the following guiding points:

1. If you do not have permission to take another person’s belonging, then you may be guilty of stealing even if you don’t realise you have.

2. You may never know how other people perceive you. Perhaps you see your behavior as normal; others may see it as ‘thieving.’

3. A rule of thumb may be to ALWAYS expressly ask before you take or keep anything that doesn’t belong to you and also to return what you borrow.

4. What you do regularly (once a month, or even once in three months) becomes a habit which ultimately becomes a part of your person.

5. Your personality is the sum total of your person. How does your personality affect your career, social life and even reputation in the community?

6. Everything you do has consequences either for bad or for good.

7. Let’s call a spade what it is, stealing is stealing, whether it is outright or by stealth. Refrain!

We all benefit when we do things right!

Writer – Atinuke Badejo, Lagos Finishing School.

How to Plan a Bridal Shower

Posted on 19. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in HOW?

Someone you know is getting married, and you want to throw her a bridal shower.  Perhaps you have no idea where to begin. Not to worry. The most essential part of a successful bridal shower is the planning. A well thought out plan of attack will spare you the stress and headache of worrying about the proper thing to do at the last minute. This article will walk you through the process painlessly. Following these simple steps to planning your bridal shower will ensure you have a great time, and it will make sure the bride does, too.

Step 1

Make a budget. To make sure you don’t go overboard with the spending, especially if money is an issue, it is always a good idea to make out a budget first. Decide how much money you can spend on each component of the shower.

Step 2

Create a guest list and send out the invitations. This will be one of the first things you will need to do. Send out the invitations at least 4 weeks before the shower. You need to give them adequate time to R.S.V.P.

Step 3

Pick a theme. You could just do a basic bridal shower or have a themed one. You are only limited by your imagination. It’s best to pick a theme that suits the bride’s personality and interests. Some popular themes are: lingerie theme, international theme, pajama party theme, and tea party theme. Whatever theme you decide on, make sure it would be one that the bride-to-be would enjoy. After all, it is her shower!

Step 4

Plan the menu. Now it is time to decide what you want to feed the guests. If money is no object, have her favorite restaurant cater the affair. If your means are a bit more limited, have her friends and family pitch in to make her favorite foods. Surprise her with a customized feast.

Step 5

Pick a bridal shower cake. While not as important as the wedding cake, you should put some thought into the bridal shower cake. If possible, try to have a cake that matches your shower theme. Find out the bride’s favorite flavor of cake if you don’t already know it. If you are ordering the cake from a bakery, make sure you order early enough to ensure it is ready. If you decide to make it yourself, make sure you schedule enough time to get it done.

Step 6

Make some creative party favors! Have some little trinkets for the guests to take home and some prizes for the games. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Acquire some potpourri, a flower vase, candles or even candy. Just a little something to say thanks for coming will be met with appreciation by your guests.

Step 7

Play bridal shower games. It wouldn’t be a bridal shower without the games! Some popular games are the bell game, how well do you know the bride and the dress game. The bell game is played by having all of the guests where a bell around their necks. Whenever they are caught saying the bride or groom’s name, someone can take the bell away from them. The person with the most bells wins a prize. For how well do you know the bride, you are asked questions about the bride such as her favorite color or favorite food. A prize goes to the person able to answer the most questions. For the dress game, each guest guesses how many times the bride has tried on her dress. The person closest to the number wins.

Tips & Warnings

Planning a bridal shower doesn’t have to be stressful. Ask for help. You don’t have to take on everything by yourself!

Don’t do anything that makes the bride feel uncomfortable. Keep the shower tailored to the bride’s tastes only.

Writer – Debra Cox, eHow.

Interview With God

Posted on 19. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Believe!

“So you would like to Interview me?” God asked. “If you have the time.” I said. God smiled. “My time is eternity, what questions do you have in mind for me?”

I asked;

“What surprises you most about humankind?”

God Answered;

“That they get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.”
“That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.”
“That thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, Such that they live in neither the present nor the future”

“That they live as if they will never die, and die as though they never lived.”

God’s hand took mine and we were silent for awhile.

And then I asked again;

“As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons you want your children to learn?”

God Answered;

“To learn they cannot make anyone love them all they can do is let themselves be loved.

“To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others”

“To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.”

“To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wound in those they love, and it can take many years to heal them”

“To learn that a rich person Is not one who has the most, But is one who needs the least”

“To learn that there are people who love them dearly, but simply do not yet know how to express or show their feelings.”

“To learn that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.”

Thank you for your time, I said humbly. Is there anything else you like your children to know

God smiled and said,

“Just know that I am here ALWAYS.”

Author Unknown

She’s Pretty, She’s Young, She’s Got Cancer!

Posted on 18. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Healthwise

Survivor Story

You’re too young for breast cancer, my doctor told me in a most confident tone when I pointed out the lump in my right breast.

“Besides,” he continued. “You don’t have any of the risk factors. You’re not obese and you have no family history. Plus, you breastfeed your baby. It’s probably just a plugged duct. This isn’t breast cancer.”

I love my doctor. He has been a faithful guardian of my health for nearly a decade. Moreover, he recently helped me deliver my precious baby, my most beautiful son, my gift from God. He has always had my best interests at heart, and I readily place myself in his care.

But he dismissed my concerns based on statistics (most lumps are benign and most young women do not get breast cancer) and the fact that he couldn’t feel what I could. I knew in my heart that this lump was something bad. Having massaged away plugged milk ducts in the shower nearly every day since my son was born six months prior, I just knew this lump was different. Yet, I wanted so much to believe him. After all, I was only 32. Who ever heard of a 32-year-old getting breast cancer? Breast cancer is for old women. So, I clung to my doctor’s assurance, put aside my misgivings and ignored the lump.

It wasn’t until six months later, at my next routine check-up, that my doctor felt the lump himself. (Note to all women: You have the benefit of being able to feel tissue from both the outside and inside. Your doctor does not.)

Still sure of his assessment, but, perhaps, hedging his bets, he sent me for an ultra-sound. An ultra-sound led to a mammogram (a most amusing experience if you are lactating, I found) and a mammogram led to a biopsy. This led to a lumpectomy, which confirmed without a doubt that it was cancer. And, ultimately, a breast cancer diagnosis led to a mastectomy and several months of aggressive chemotherapy.

Despite all this, I am alive and here to tell you: Young women can and do get breast cancer. Forget the risk factors. They are not causation and nearly 80 percent of women who get breast cancer have no family history. Make no mistake; if you have breasts (and yes, this means men, too), you can get breast cancer.

Young women diagnosed with breast cancer face dying from the disease much more often than their more mature counterparts. Women over 40 have the benefit of recommended routine mammography, which can identify cancer in its earliest stages, giving these women the greatest chance of beating the disease. For those of us under 40, our youthful breasts seem to conspire against us. The firm, dense tissue hides lurking abnormalities from the mammography machine’s x-ray eye and makes the films very difficult to read. This is why mammography is not always a very effective diagnostic tool for us.

We don’t know what causes breast cancer, so we cannot prevent it. For a young woman, the most important thing she can do to survive a breast cancer diagnosis is conduct monthly breast self-exams. A young woman needs to get to know her breasts intimately. Once she knows the topography of her body, she’ll know which lumps and bumps are normal and can differentiate them from those that are not.

Furthermore, a young woman must be her own best health advocate. If you find a lump, insist on a diagnosis. FYI “You are too young” is not a diagnosis. If you can point to a specific area of your breast, you can request a diagnostic test a mammogram, ultrasound or biopsy.

Admittedly, the under-forty breast cancer crowd is not large. But we exist, and we face a whole different set of issues than do older women with breast cancer. Not only do we face a higher mortality rate (which some attribute to the more aggressive nature of young women’s cancers and an often later stage of diagnosis) but we also have fertility issues. Many are the young women who cannot conceive because chemotherapy has thrust them into early menopause.

Then there are the studies and clinical trials. By far and away, most of them focus on women over 40. We die of this disease more often than older women, yet we are not studied with the same frequency and intensity.

And, let’s not forget support groups. While I found the women in the group I attended to be wonderful and supportive as I cried and cried, it was difficult for me to relate to them. They were all at least 15 years older than I am. Some were more than 35 years older.

How unfair, I thought selfishly. They lament their disease, but they have had much fuller lives than me. I have a 12-month-old son and fear that I will not be able to help him grow to be a man. What if I die in the next few years and he doesn’t ever know who I was and how very much I adore him? And what of my husband, who, at 23, watched as cancer, attacked and then consumed his father in less than a month. Is he destined to be a widower with a young son before his 35th birthday? He certainly thought so. Oh, yes. I would give anything to be these older women dealing with this disease.

For me, salvation came not in the form of a support group, but from a group of activists’ The Young Survival Coalition. These women, all diagnosed with breast cancer in their 20s and 30s, are striving to make the voices of young women with breast cancer heard.

It is our mission to educate young women about the very real risk of breast cancer and how to protect themselves, to meet with legislators to direct attention and funding to our needs, and to virtually jump up and down in front of the medical community to get them to study us and stop dismissing their young patients who present with breast lumps. This group is exactly what I and many other young women living with breast cancer need. It is our way to affect change and give young women a fighting chance against breast cancer.

I told every doctor that I saw that I wanted nothing more than to dance at my son’s wedding. It became “and continues to be” my ultimate ambition. I focus on this daily when tears threaten as I consider my fate and as I help other young women deal with their diagnoses.

My mother promised me, when I was just beginning to come to terms with my disease that I would indeed dance at my son’s wedding. “You and I are going to do the silliest dance at Jason’s wedding,” she told me. “Even if we both have to use a walker to do it.”

I’m holding her to it. I plan to do the chicken dance.

By: Tracy Pleva Hill, as shared on http://www.youngsurvival.org

Whistle While You Work!

Posted on 12. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Life @ Work

♫Whistle while you work, la la la la la la ♫, so sang the Princess turned Housekeeper in the renowned animated movie, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, as she passionately turned the daunting and not-so-rewarding task of house cleaning into an exciting one. If only more employees can boast of such excitement and satisfaction at work!

Would you work for money or passion? It’s an age long question probably as old as work itself and job seekers often wish they could have both. Statistics have shown that job satisfaction and financial rewards are two of the most important factors that influence employees’ choice of job. But in these times of rising unemployment and unstable income, is it becoming a pointless expectation to desire a meaningful yet well paying job? Should you just be happy that you have a job at all, even if it is just a meaningless chore that gives you no happiness?

Femme Lounge takes a closer look at the situation by sharing the story of four young women’s journey to find balance in their jobs, and also offer alternative ways of finding balance between your passion and financial satisfaction in and out of the workplace.

A Helper Who Needs Help.

She has always been passionate about social work since she was a teenager and despite her degree in Architecture, she opted for a job with a local NGO. *Njambi is absolutely in love with the job but her salary is embarrassingly insufficient. She can only afford her bus tickets and two meals a day, and at 27 years she still depends on her mother to meet her other financial needs. She is now resenting her job and is wondering if she made a mistake by consulting her passion before her financial needs.

Advice

Njambi should look for another job in other NGOs that can offer her better financial rewards, or consider transferring her skills to another industry entirely, for instance if what she enjoyed about the NGO is solving people’s problem, she can transfer that skill to customer care or human resources roles in another company that will offer her a better financial reward.She can also choose to keep her present job but then look for other ways of making money outside of work, that way she will make some money on the side while doing the job she loves.

Some Big Girls Still Cry.

*Isabella jumped at the first job offer she got after her graduation from University; it is a call center agent role at a Telecoms Company. The salary is very good and is regularly reviewed with mouth watering allowances. She is financially satisfied but she detests her job so much, she hates that she has to sit all day attending to angry customers and feels she should be doing a lot more than that with herself. She would rather be a school teacher although she has no formal training in teaching.

Advice

Finding a teaching job might not come so easy since she doesn’t have a qualification or prior experience in that area, but if she is really determined about it she can start by taking up necceary courses and trainings that will make her attractive to employers in the education sector.She can also choose to keep her job but look for outlets for her passion outside work, since she likes being around children she can consider volunteering with children clubs and related organizations in her spare time, while she still keeps her job, that way she will get both needs met, just not in the same place.

Losing Out On Both Ends

*Carol is a graduate with a degree in Mass Communication who also loves to bake cake. After many unsuccessful attempts at getting a job in a media company she took up a job as a Showroom Manager in a furniture company; she is poorly paid and has a mean Supervisor. She feels mental, physical and emotional exhaustion at the end of every day, yet still resumes at work the next morning because she is afraid of being jobless. She feels like a slave, doing so much dirty hardwork and all for nothing!

Advice

Whether Carol decides to stay back or resign , she needs to intensify her efforts at getting another job, she should broaden her search from media companies to PR, Advertising, Event Management or any other company where she can get a role that strongly matches her skills, knowledge,  and personality. She might also have to take courses and trainings to make her more attractive to employers. While at it, she could look for alternative source of income and other outlet for her talents and passion. Since she loves baking, she can also make some money from it.

She’s Got It All!

*Vera is a Project Manager with a construction company who started out as an administrative assistant in the same company four years earlier. She enjoys putting her management and administrative skills to use every day and nothing excites her more than the successful execution of every building project she manages. She says she loves what she does and she is being paid superbly for it.

Advice

She should simply enjoy it!

Writer – Shola Okubote

* Not their real names.

Circle Of Friends

Posted on 12. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Connections

When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you’re going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you’re going through things with your mom.
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, ‘Let’s cry together,’
Another, ‘Let’s fight together,’
Another, ‘Let’s walk away together.’

One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ..
Those are your best friends

It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many, it’s wrapped up in several..
One from 7th grade,
One from high school,
Several from the college years,
A couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbor,
On others, your sisters,
And on some days, your daughters.

Author Unknown

Exploration of a Horny State of Mind

Posted on 10. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Pillow Talk

I am ovulating. This means that my horny state of mind has now become a physical reality. The distant rumbling has become a louder growl which rudely cuts into my internal conversations. At times, I feel like telling Shosho (my alter ego) to simply quiet down…After all, can’t you see I’m busy here!

My previous tome ended with the observation that it’s easy to resist temptation when it just isn’t there. You see, as I emerged from my teeny bopper years, a strange thing happened to me. I stopped being physically attracted to guys just because they looked like Denzel Washington. My first crush was a tall, serious looking guy with gorgeous stubble – a physical archetype that I confess my heart still goes aflutter over. But, as I grew older and my brain became my primary sexual organ, the level of sexual attraction was usually determined five minutes into the conversation, whether by text, phone call, chat or face-to-face.

I’ve discovered that there are male versions of “dumb blondes”, good to look at – veritable eye candy – but essentially cold water to any form of fire. I call them preening peaCOCKS:-) It’s different for guys, I suppose – the ability to separate a physical need from good conversation and company, but for me, it just makes for very boring intimacy.

My friend was teasing me yesterday about offering his ‘services’ to me free-of-charge. I had mentioned that it’d been a while since I was thoroughly kissed. Yes, there’s some attraction, but like a buddy once told me – and then what? What happens next? After you get your groove on, then…? Perhaps I desire something of the more permanent variety.

I’m thinking this blog should help me think about what is really important to me in a guy. They say every lady has a LIST – you know the proverbial list of things that she desires in a man. Well, my list has evolved and been whittled down so much over the years that I need to stop for a moment to figure out what’s there right now. I will do two separate lists: What Makes Me Sexually Attracted To A Guy and What Makes A Guy Relationship Material.

I’m doing separate lists because I learnt that sexual attraction is amoral. It flares up and takes hold of your brain (and nether parts) irrespective of whether the guy is physically attractive, unattractive, single, married, of another religious or political bias or if he simply annoys you. Once certain factors are present in a guy, YOU WILL be attracted to him, despite your denial. All you can do is DECIDE whether or not you’ll respond to the attraction or how fast you’ll flee. Just because you’re attracted to a guy doesn’t make him good relationship material.

So, here goes my list:

LIST ONE: WHAT MAKES ME SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO A GUY

1. Confidence: I’m not sure where guys get their confidence: Money, Intellectual Firepower, Self Esteem, Good upbringing, Height, Good Looks, A Knowledge of Being Loved and Accepted…whatever it is…the thought of a guy who’s truly not intimidated by me, doesn’t have anything to prove, can tell me exactly what he’s going to do to me and then grab me to whisk me off to bed to summarily show me, is quite intoxicating
2. Intellect & wisdom: I value deep unhurried conversations
3. Exposure: Cultural exposure is important to me. I love to joust verbally and also enjoy witty crazy conversations that make my sides burst with laughter. It’s hard to do this with a guy who’s not well read and exposed. Also, like a friend said: if you enjoy a man talking dirty to you, it sort of spoils the fun if he does so with a thick Yoruba accent!
4. Wit: An ability to make me laugh and feel like a mischievous child again. Someone who brings out Shosho, and gives Subomi a break for a change
5. A good heart: Someone I intuitively trust

LIST TWO: WHAT MAKES A GUY RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL

1. All of the above
2. His ideology: Should be non-traditional and completely centered on the teachings of a Jewish Carpenter who dared to be God
3. Obvious prosperity: I am allergic to poverty
4. Kindness and long suffering: Em…I can be em.. .difficult at times:-)
5. Friendship: Someone who has proven his friendship over tim

So, there’s my list. Mmn…who’d have thought?

Writer – Adesubomi Plumptre, Author of No Bullshit

One Week in August

Posted on 10. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Excerpts From My Journal

One Week in August;

The week that I started by reading  page 125 of Max Lucado’s Next Door Savior as my daily devotional. It posed the question of where God is in the midst of the storms and depressingly left me with an inspiration from the story shared at a certain Silecchia’s funeral; she was recently married and had an eighteen-month old baby.

The week that I stumbled on ‘the woman issue’, an old edition of Farafina Magazine and out of the many beautifully written pieces by some of the finest writers around here, “For the love of Anthony” jumped out at me. It’s the memoir of a grieving woman who lost a promising son in the 2005 London bombings.

The week that I got a depressing and dreadful call from my mother, Mr. Adeniyi, a family friend and my father’s former collegeaue had died from complications of surgery; his identical twins girls were my younger sister’s best friends in high school.

The week that I saw an announcement and a white donation box at the entrance of my Estate. Festus, the head of the estate security who had a fierce argument with my friends some days ago had died after a brief illness.

The week that I felt great pain in my heart as Pastor Eastwood shared with us how life has not been the same after he lost of his two adorable children on the same day in the same accident.

The week that I had visited one of my favorite gossip blogs in hope of reading the hottest gist in town but instead got the horrific news of the passing away of one of my favorite actresses, she lost the battle with lung cancer.

The week that I flipped from one local TV station to another until I got hooked on the controversial Emmanuel TV’s charity day, and I shed tears as I saw many children who came for help,  they were all orphans some blind, some cripple, some dumb , some mentally retarded.

That same week, I realized how ungrateful I have been for getting depressed and anxious because of my need for bigger, flashier, prettier and more expensive things.

I made a stop to my search for antidepressants for my incessant mood swings and low spirits, and made a solemn vow, to take a pause and enjoy life, to step back in order to see clearly, to love others with all my might. To enjoy where I am, on the way to where I am going.

The same week I started my iGiveThanks Journal

Writer – Shola Okubote