In Linda's Shoes
Posted on 28. Aug, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Connections
Pursuit of Happyness is certainly an inspiring movie. It featured Chris, a young family man under an intense financial pressure that was posing a threat to his chances in life, his relationship and the future of his son.
The story focused mainly on Chris’ rough path to eventual success, but I couldn’t help a zoom in on Linda, Chris’ partner (Girlfriend? Wife?), I had a minute thinking about the realities of her situation.
A flashback had shown her as a bright young woman ready to face the future with her man, but after years of struggling for survival from an unyielding investment, she became an aging, irksome and nagging partner.
She had a low paying job that was their major source of income, and she was desperate for change. A change that would make her leave her partner, in pursuit of a life that offers her better things in New York. It looked like a painful decision, but she made it.
She isn’t so much of a recommendable role model, you might say, but I think she is a good subject for an analysis.
I understand what it means to be in her shoes, I know young women who still wear them all round and believe me they aren’t Gucci made, these women have had to decide if their dreams would worth their goodbyes.
Overwhelming financial concerns sometimes create strains that affect the expression of our love as women, not always because we want to be materialistic or selfish, but because we innately desire all round stability in our relationships. (I think!)
The extent we can go to meet this need and the maturity at handling associated issues however differs.
Maybe opting out of such relationship is not often the best way, whether we choose another relationship that promises a better future or independently pursues our dreams like Linda. The truth is we often have to make choices that demand sacrifice.
The key question we should ask ourselves is ‘is it worth it?’
There may not be the desired financial buoyancy now, but can you see love, teamwork, focus, determination and an uphill struggle towards success and can you really hold up the faith for a breakthrough? If you are convinced, then you might just be on your way to success!
If you are not convinced, I guess you have to decide if you are ready for a lifetime of regrets and constant torment, from dreams deferred and denied, and only hope to be able to find self forgiveness someday. It’s entirely up to you!
Well Linda chose what would make her happy, she didn’t want her opportunity for a new life to be gone forever, for whatever reasons, she chose to say goodbye, whether it was worthwhile or not, I don’t know.
Maybe with a little patience they would have shared the victory together, maybe not. Maybe if she had stayed, he wouldn’t even have been driven so hard to be successful, maybe not.
And like a friend says, maybe after the financial breakthrough he wouldn’t even care about her again. (Hmmm!), I will still say maybe not.
Just my rambling you should say, after all it’s just a movie, my buts and ifs won’t alter the scripts, but the scripts really made me think.
Source: Femme Lounge Library
10 Shopping Tips
Posted on 28. Aug, 2009 by Lounge Lady in iStyle
When it comes to shopping there are two major types of women, those who simply love it and have absolutely no problem carving out time and money for a little fun shopping and those who find it about as alluring as scrubbing the bathtub and puts it nowhere near their top priority. Whether you are a pro, an anti shopper or someone just in between you will find these tips helpful for a successful shopping.
Take Stock
First take stock of what you already have, throw out the unusable, give away the ones you are tired of, and mend the repairable.
Make a List
Figure out what items you need to get, make a detailed list in order of priority, it will help you know what items you should be looking for at the mall.
Budget
Impulsive buying makes you spend money you didn’t plan to and living in debts isn’t so chic. So before you go shopping determine how much you can spend. Make a budget, stick to it, don’t spend more than you can afford.
Feel Good
It is important that you go shopping when you are feeling really good about yourself, it boosts your self esteem and helps you go for the stuff that suits you best.
Be Comfortable
Wear light things that are easy to get in and out of when trying on the clothes, without smearing your make up all over, loosing your earrings, dropping your wig or needing the help of a co shopper every now and then.
Choose the right time
Shopping is also more fun when you choose to shop when the stores are least crowded, you will be able to take your time to search, try on and ponder before you choose, without getting in other people’s way or having them in yours.
Have Fun
This is particularly important for the anti shoppers, let it be a time out rather than a task. Invite your friends along, choose stores that you love, free the day of any other engagement and have fun.
Focus
Never give up on a sure thing, you know the cuts, fabrics, styles and colors that will enhance your figure and looks good on you, don’t allow someone to talk you out of what works best for you. And don’t compromise to buy just anything if you don’t find something you are absolutely sure about, go to another store or go back when they have new collection.
Mirror! Mirror! Mirror!
Don’t assume it will fit, always try cloths in front of a mirror at the store to be sure it’s your size and it fits the way you want. Don’t be in a hurry to leave, take time to ensure you look good in it
Go For Quality
Never ever compromise on the best quality you can afford. Yeah you might not be able to afford the top of the range designers but there sure are different grades of quality, don’t go lower that you can afford.
Source: Femme Lounge Library
Thank God, It's Monday!
Posted on 28. Aug, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Life @ Work
Does your heart beat faster with anxiety when your alarm rings on Monday mornings, do you wish the weekend is longer than your work days? Then try these tried and tested secrets to overcoming the awful Monday-Phobia. So far we have been able to prove it worked absolutely well for few people, let’s see if it can work for you too.
Finish up
Don’t push till Monday what you can do on Friday, don’t leave your work unfinished to rush with excitement into the Friday evening partying. Whatever you run away from on Friday will surely be waiting for you on Monday morning, you wouldn’t even want to be fretting over that last nagging bit of work over the weekend. So make that call, send that email, go for that meeting, and submit that report. Who needs a screaming boss, a disgruntled client or an irritated collegeaue on a Monday morning anyway?
Clear out
You shouldn’t leave your workspace untidy before you leave on Friday, coming to a neat and organized workspace on Monday could boost your mental prowess.
Tidy up, clear out your desk, file appropriately, do the shredding, put stationeries in the right places, sort out the files on your jam-packed desktop and if possible do a quick note of what to do next week in readiness for your work on Monday.
If you are going straight into a meeting or making a presentation on Monday morning, don’t wait till you are in the Monday morning traffic to tidy up your notes, think it through on Friday before leaving and perfect it over the weekend.
Enjoy
Have loads of fun! Make sure you enjoy and maximize your weekend, spend time with loved ones, make calls, exercise, watch TV, try out something new, simply do what makes you happy!
If your job is not particularly what you enjoy, you might want to get involved in something that you are passionate about, help with the vintage shop at church, speak at the community youth meeting, go for hair making lessons, and help a friend plan her wedding. Creating time to do what you love helps you release your passionate and positive energy and leaves you with a refreshing feeling of fulfillment.
Refuel
Most times you will have a pile of undone house work, family events, and many other things to attend to at weekends, and because you are trying to do as much as you can in a short while, it could leave you exhausted. Don’t go into the next week with that feeling of exhaustion, no matter how tight your schedule is.
Spend time alone to refuel your spirit, think, meditate, pray and study. Re assure yourself of your life goals and what you want to achieve, you will sure feel refreshed and re energized ready to face the new week.
Plan
Don’t just rush into the Monday make a good plan for the week, think through all you have to do in the coming week and make a to-do list for work and for your personal stuff too. If possible fix a day in the week and a specific time for each of the task. Which client to follow up, when to finish the proposal, time for the training, when to call the plumber and call your sister in Switzerland. It helps you face the week with confidence.
Also try not to over-schedule, If possible avoid setting urgent deadlines on this day. Try to spread your workload throughout the week.
Rest
Rest your mind, Rest your body and do not stay up late on Sunday. It will help against physical or mental exhaustion and make Mondays easier on your mind and body.
Wake up early on Monday morning, have a light breakfast, you shouldn’t work on empty stomach. Leave home early enough to get to work on time. Getting to work late will cause you extra stress.
Like it!
Find at least one reason to love your job while you are still at it. It could be the knowledge you get, the boss that mentors you, the relevance to your career path, your bills that get paid or the mere fact that it takes you out of the house. For as long as you are still on the job, find a reason to like it and be thankful for it, you will then dread it less on a Monday morning.
Source: Femme Lounge Library
Recognizing Everyday Miracles
Posted on 28. Aug, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Believe!
Most people think of miracles as things that happened in Biblical times. Because we don’t take the time to look at the world around us. And, for some reason, when given a choice we look at life in a negative rather than a positive light.
We all go through challenging times. If we didn’t, there wouldn’t be much point to life. If you seize the moment, the greatest lessons come out of the biggest challenges. My response to hard times is to always give gratitude for what I have, where the alternative is to complain about what I don’t have. But in a really difficult stretch, it becomes harder to find things to have gratitude for.
I often end up feeling grateful for these especially hard times. You realize how many things you simply take for granted during the times when you have to dig deep to find something to be grateful for. When you just pause for a moment, and look at the world around you, it becomes clear that nearly everything is a miracle.
Or, if you’re like me and you have a 4 year old, you get daily reminders of the fact that everything’s a miracle. The only real answer I have for many of her constant questions lately is “it’s a miracle.”
I scraped my knee and she wants to know how your body heals itself. It’s a miracle.
We planted tiny little ugly brown seeds in an egg carton this spring. How do they grow into the beautiful flowers pictured on the seed package? It’s a miracle.
Why does the sun set? Miracle. Why does it snow in the spring? Miracle.
Why does my 9 month old cry when I leave the room? Another miracle.
Of course there are complex scientific explanations for most of these things, which doesn’t make them any less a miracle.
With millions of people in the world, how do we meet the love of our life? How do we find a friend that knows just what to say at just the right time? How are we able to go on after the death of a parent, or worse yet, a child? How can a dog enable a blind man to live as though he were sighted? Why does chocolate taste SO good?
Well, I could go on, but hopefully you get the point, because most people don’t get the point. And if you’re not “into” self improvement and personal growth, you may never stop long enough to realize the point. Life is so full and so challenging and so hectic, that it’s frighteningly easy to miss the fact that miracles are everywhere and in everything.
It matters how you see the world and it matters how you tell the story. This is the key to self improvement without changing anything other than your perception of the world. Just open your eyes up to the miracles around you.
If someone asked me how my day was, for example, I could respond by telling them that it was a miserably cold and rainy day, and all my kids were tired from staying up too late, and getting everyone up and dressed to take my daughter to school was a real struggle.
Or I could tell them how much fun we had staying up late the night before roasting marshmallows over the fire, and how my daughter sang a beautiful rendition of twinkle, twinkle little star to my baby that morning to keep him from being fussy. And I could laugh about how my 2 year old ran around the house in my high heels that morning as I tried to chase him down and get his shoes on him. And I could share how much fun my daughter had at school stomping in the mud puddles and finding the post-rain worms wriggling on the sidewalk. I could marvel at the rainbow.
It’s up to me. I can’t control my kids’ moods. I can’t control the weather. But I do control how I view the world. And how I tell the story, even if only to myself in my own head. I can see life as a miracle or as a struggle.
Why does it matter? The short answer is that part of the goal of self improvement is to be happy. And being happy just for the sake of being happy is a good thing. But it goes deeper than that. Recognizing life’s miracles is essential to your home business success. I’ll share why in my next article.
Writer: Jennifer Herndon works from home with her kids. She has lived the joys of home business ownership for over 11 years. Read more on the connection between mindset and home business success now at Jennifer’s Work at Home Millionaire Journey blog.
Are You Killing Your Depressed Loved One?
Posted on 28. Aug, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Healthwise
Are You Killing Your Depressed Loved One With Kindness?
Throughout my years of living with my wife Sharon’s debilitating depression, I learned a great many things.
One of the most difficult lessons was to be able to tell when my attempts to help her were actually making things much worse. Most often when there is depression in the home, the one who has the depression imposes their will and their illness on the entire family, and the rest of the family walks on egg-shells all the time so as not to set the depressed person off. Such was the case in our home.
For the first several years of our marriage, I ended up being highly subservient, not to Sharon but to her depression, I would spend my life doing everything I could possibly think of to make life as easy as possible so that she wouldn’t be depressed anymore.
I would make sure the kids were quiet all the time, that everything in the house was exactly the way Sharon wanted it. I would spend enormous amounts of money to buy Sharon anything she said she wanted that might help her be happy.
I would cancel obligations that she made on her behalf and make excuses for her.
Basically my life purpose was to make Sharon happy, so that our family could be happy and in so doing I lost myself.
After several years of this constant and persistent pressure to keep Sharon happy so her depression wouldn’t win, I began to release that not only was I not helping her, she was getting obviously worse.
It wasn’t until we had lost our home, all of our savings, our investments, our friends, our happiness, our hope and now my health that I clued into something important, I was killing her with kindness.
All of my efforts and focus to try to make her happy only made things worse
This phenomena is known as ‘’enablement”. By providing Sharon with an environment where she didn’t have to be responsible for ANYTHING in her life, all I was doing was proving her illness with a perfect environment in which to grow.
Once my eyes were opened a little, I began to do things a little differently, I began to allow Sharon to take responsibility for her own actions, and face the consequences of her decisions while shielding myself as much as possible from those consequences.
I began to refuse to make excuses for her, she had to make herself, I began to allow myself to do some of the things I loved to do in life and if she objected, I allowed her to object but did not allow her to manipulate me, if she didn’t like some small thing I left it for her to change instead of taking ownership of it myself. Of course, all of this in the most loving and supporting posture possible.
After a very short time, and some resistance from Sharon, I began to notice that she was starting to take responsibility for her own life on a much larger scale. This made life so much easier for everyone in the family
Of course I didn’t always get it right but I got it right enough of the time that it made a huge difference in our lives.
If you feel that your depressed loved one has control over your life or if you fell that they depend on you far more that they should consider your actions. Try to identify those actions that might contribute to the enabling of the depression.
Essentially a depressed person is not a disabled person and for the most part they can accept responsibilities just like everyone else can. In fact they need to in order to allow themselves to take control of their life back.
Stop killing your depressed loved one with kindness, and watch your life at home change for the better!
Writer – Steve Lowell is the Author of the audio Program ‘’Victory for the Silent Victim: A Survival Guide for those Whose Loved Ones Suffers from Depression or Anxiety at www.victoryforthesilentvictim.com
Cell Phone Etiquette
Posted on 28. Aug, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Etiquette
Cell phone etiquette is all about being considerate of others in your use of the phone, especially when you are in the public, here are some basic rules you must not be caught breaking.
Inappropriate conversations in public.
When you are in a public place, such as on the bus, in a cab, restrooms, waiting rooms, restaurants, hallways, subways, on a grounded airplane or at the dinner table you should not subject people to your phone conversations. Offer to call the person back, step outside, or find a quiet place where you can talk without disturbing others. No one needs to hear how wasted you were last night, or about your million dollars deal that’s about to click. Arguing or airing dirty laundry in public is very poor cell phone etiquette. Keep your personal conversations personal.
Talk Later, Drive Now!
Multitasking is not always right. Do not dial, receive call, text or read text while driving, you can be shocked how fatal a second of distraction can be. Some researchers have shown that accidents have been on the rise since the invention of cell phone. Calls can wait until you’ve reached your destination, and if you have to receive the call then pull over to have the conversation. Put this in mind, no call or text message is urgent enough to worth your life and the lives of other innocent people you put at risk on the road.
Wrong Number?
When someone mistakenly dials your phone number, you don’t have to be rude and brash. Remember people make mistakes, that doesn’t make them fraudsters. It might just be your turn to dial a wrong number tomorrow, you sure will feel embarrassed if the receiver shouts on you like you can possibly empty her bank account just by hearing her voice! Be polite.
Common Sense Demands!
Put off your phones at funerals, weddings, or anyplace a quiet atmosphere is mandated. Also in places such as a movie theaters, courthouse, library, museum, or place of worship and other public place that needs a quiet atmosphere for the audience. People pay good money to be entertained, and your interruption wasn’t part of the package.
If your phone rings while you are about to make an order or payment at a restaurant step aside if you must receive, it’s really rude to the waiter and other customers on the queue to be answering your phone with one hands and be talking to the waiter at the same time make up your mind if you want the food first or the call first.
Of course you don’t need to be reminded to turn off your phone before a job interview, presentation, or boardroom meeting!
To practice good cell phone etiquette, put the ringer on vibrate or silent mode and let the call roll over to voice mail. If it’s an important call, step outside or to a secluded area to return the call.
Loud Ringtones
No one thinks you are funny, clever or musically savvy when your phone interrupts their thoughts, meetings, transactions etc. with an inappropriate ringtone. It’s better to use inoffensive mild ringtone in public or better still put it on vibrate, or else the joke will turn on you and trust me it won’t look good on you. Ringtone is just an alert that your phone is ringing, it is not the time to hear your favorite hip hop star do his rap, leave that to when you are alone.
Source: Femme Lounge Library
How To Make Cupcakes
Posted on 27. Aug, 2009 by Lounge Lady in HOW?
This is one of the easiest cakes to make and it takes only 15mins preparation time, I promise you, this recipe is not only easy but it’s really delicious, fluffy and addictive.
Quick Mix Cup Cakes
-185g of Butter
-1 Cup of Caster Sugar (it can be granulated sugar; don’t let the name fool you)
-1 1/2 (One & a half cup) of Plain Flour
- 3 Eggs (Medium Size will do)
- 2 Level tea spoons of baking Powder
- 1 tea spoon of vanilla essence
- 1 level teaspoon of corn flour (that’s the secret of a fluffy cake)
All the ingredients must be put in the electric mixer or food processor at once and mixed at FULL speed for 3 minutes, please note, not more than 5 minutes at most
Once that’s done, we put the mixture in the paper cup/pan
It takes 45mins in an oven marked 3, and If your oven happens to be like mine when I started off baking, when the numbers had worn off, just simply wait 30mins after putting on the oven at a moderate temperature, before checking it, opening the oven soon after the cake has been put in the Oven prevents the cake from rising well.
Once the cakes are out, leave them out to cool and you can finish it up by pouring melted Choc or butter cream icing as the pictures uploaded suggest.
Warning!
Too much of this ‘Goodies’ might ‘change’ your waist line considerably (I can testify to it), Do not Over Indulge.
I have yet to meet a lady, girl or sister who doesn’t have inkling or at least fantasize about baking, it’s in all of us.
Go ahead try this recipe, you never know where this can take you.
I know for sure, nothing can beat a homemade cake and if you can’t be bothered about trying it out yourself, then by all means, call us at Fifi’s oven;
014739260, 08024078227, 018970070 and 07028089903.
or visit our www.fifisoven/blog
Fisayo Gbenle Olaleye
Thank you.
What's Age Got To Do With IT?
Posted on 27. Aug, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Excerpts From My Journal
When Martha’s husband broke her heart, she put her life on a hold and spent years wallowing and convincing her she needn’t try to get on her feet again. So she grew into an obese, depressed, agoraphobic and indifferent mid aged woman living in serious debts.
She didn’t realize how much her life sucked until a passerby dropped a coin in her cup of soda thinking she was a destitute. That was the dot connecting moment that made her lose tens of pounds in weight, threw her on the good sides of the stock market, dragged her to the clubs and hang outs with friends, changed her wardrobe, and got her dating again. In three years she made a complete 180 degrees turn, she pursued, overtook and recovered the seemingly lost years of her life.
Her transformation somehow lit up a bulb in my head, and there was this burst of understanding, like never before I believe that some changes are actually possible at any age, if we are willing to give it all it takes!
Influenced by the fairy tales we hear as children, and what we see on television and hear every day, we develop stereotypes about age and achievement. We use age as a yardstick to measure and judge what others should have attained, so if they haven’t done something at a particular age we think they are failures.
Because of our frozen understanding about the subject, we say a virgin at 23 must be a freak, an unemployed at 27 surely lacks focus, a single lady at 30 definitely has an attitude problem, and we tell the pregnant at 37 they are late bloomers, and if you are not at the peak of your career at 40, you are a fool forever!
The truth is life happens for us in different ways and at different times, and while we work hard towards achieving our life goals without leaving any stone untouched we must understand that the times and seasons of life does not necessarily have to do with age.
When I was younger I never had problems with telling people my age, because I thought my achievement measured up pretty well, but after few years of paddling so hard to stay floating on life’s stormy sail, it stopped being one of the questions I answer with great excitement. So every birthday comes with soberness and introspection, of what should, could or would have been. And my heart faints when I hear news like; Rihanna got a Grammy at 20, and Mark Zuckerberg (the Facebook founder) is only 24 year old!
But as I add another year today, I am choosing to have an enough time to conquer the world attitude with gratitude. To stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles, I chose to enjoy every step of the journey, to make the most of all my resources no matter how seemingly insignificant, without holding back all I can give, do or be, everywhere, anytime and at any age!
Happy Birthday to Me, Myself, Moi and I!
40 Things You Should Never Apologize For!
Posted on 27. Aug, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Essence
1) Never apologize for pursuing what makes you happy. Even if you need to quit your job, transfer schools, or move across country, always do what you really want.
2) Never apologize for using proper English. Keeping it real doesn’t mean you have to speak Ebonics…
3) Never apologize for giving your best in a relationship that just didn’t work out.
4) Never apologize for crying. Wear waterproof mascara and express yourself.
5) Never apologize for being successful. Only haters want to keep you at their level.
6) Never apologize for ten pounds you need to lose. People who truly care about you will accept you as you are.
7) Never apologize for wearing a weave or braids; it’s an accessory, you bought it so it’s yours.
8.) Never apologize for being frugal. Just because you save your money instead of blowing it on the latest fashion emergency doesn’t mean you’re cheap.
9) Never apologize for treating yourself to something special. Sometimes you have to show you some appreciation.
10) Never apologize for demanding respect. You are to always be treated as a Queen.
11) Never apologize for leaving an abusive relationship. Your safety should always be a priority.
12) Never apologize for making a decision from your heart, even if others don’t agree YOU have to live with the consequences, not them.
13) Never apologize for setting high standards in a relationship. You know what you can tolerate and what simply gets on your nerves.
14) Never apologize for dating outside your race. Just because you found Mr. Right across the color line doesn’t mean you don’t love your Brothers.
15) Never apologize to your new friends about old friends. There’s a reason she’s been your girl from day one.
16) Never apologize to your old friends about ‘new’ friends; God continues to bring His daughters together to uplift each other.
17) Never apologize for being a single Mom. Babies are a blessing.
18) Never apologize for saying NO
19) Never apologize for looking beautiful. You are beautiful.
20) Never apologize for not knowing how to cook. Even if you can’t burn like Grandma you know how to order good take out. (Right Girl!)
21) Never apologize for making more money than your man, you work hard and you deserve to get paid.
22) Never apologize for changing your mind. It’s your prerogative.
23) Never apologize for someone else’s Bad Day: A friend snaps at you and you’re expected to say sorry? Exactly where is the logic in that?
24) Never apologize for being honest. People often say, “The truth hurts,” or “you can’t handle the truth,” or “you don’t really want to hear the truth.” The fact of the matter is everyone does WANT the truth.
25) Never apologize for being alone. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, relish in the opportunity to spoil and cherish yourself…to meet only your demands….to listen to only your requests….. And to tend to only your needs.
26) Never apologize to anyone for being single! Always remember just like God is working on you; He is also working on your mate and when the time is right you will meet!
27) Never apologize for being educated and behaving accordingly! Your mama didn’t raise a fool!
28) Never apologize for refusing to compromise your integrity. Always adhere to your moral and ethical principles.
29) Never apologize for not tolerating bad behavior, at home, in public, in the workplace…
30) Never apologize for taking a break. It’s more healthy and beneficial to literally stop every once in a while to breathe, to let your hair down, to relax, to rejuvenate. It’s necessary.
31) Never apologize for Investing in Your Looks. Its’ all about feeling confident, not about doing yourself up to land a man. And it makes facials, manicures, pedicures and the sauna worth every cent.
32) Never apologize for hoping your children will be Cuter than your Friends. Honestly, your pals are hoping the same thing.
33) Never apologize for being Inexperienced. That doesn’t mean you lack great ideas. So stop prefacing sentences like “…but I did not, I am not, I haven’t…’’ stick to what you’re training for or have been trained in and be proud!
34) Never apologize for having a Crazy Family: Give your guy & friends a heads up about them, but never insinuate that their problems taint you.
35) Never apologize for helping others. Be free, do what you want to do, not others, help happily where necessary, only mean people & haters will laugh at you and pull you back.
36) Never apologize for saying exactly how you feel, only if you have every reason and every right to feel that way. Respect and courtesy must always be present though.
37) Never apologize for the books you like to read (that’s if you’re a reader). You’re allowed to choose whatever kind of reading material you like. You’re an adult, and well aware of all the choices out there. If romance works for you, read them proudly. People don’t apologize for liking romantic comedies at the movies, or chick flicks. They like them. So what?
38) Never apologize for where you come from. There is a good reason as to why God meant for you to be born there, it doesn’t matter whether you’re from Asia, Africa, America we are all humans at the end of the day, no one was born in the moon anyway.
39) Never Apologize for Loving the Lord, for calling His Name, for Having Absolute Faith in Him, He’s your father, He’ll Light Your Path.
40) Never apologize for being YOU!
Almost forgot actually – (#40 something).. ”Never Apologise for having Common sense…” tone down those irrelevant sayings… please!
By – Sharon Renders, Jazmin Darmi and Karen Linet
Felice Bois
Posted on 27. Aug, 2009 by Lounge Lady in She
Felice Bois is a Writer, Author, Actress, Business Entrepreneur and an A’capella Spoken Word Recording Artist whose life challenges as a single mother and a Black woman could no longer go hidden or unspoken. From her trials and victories as a single mother with a troubled teen, she tells her story with a strong message of hope for other mothers and teenagers through her creative and powerful vocal delivery of the Spoken Word.
Femme Lounge had a chat with this amazing woman who believes in making a difference in the world and is walking the talk.
FAMILY AND BACKGROUND
Okay, I’m originally from Oakland, California. I’m forty-one years old. My birth name is Felicia Boissiere (African American and Creole background). My pen name (now legal name) is Felice Bois. I added a middle name to my original birth name Felice Bois because it’s easy to spell for one thing (nobody ever pronounces my last name right), easy to remember, similar to my original birth name and have the same meanings. Felicia and Felice both mean ‘happy’. I feel that way most of the time. Let’s see, I am a mother of two children: a son who is twenty-two years old, and a daughter who is ten years old. I’m single, heterosexual (straight) and happy. I married at an early age, divorced early. Didn’t know what I was doing. I am a believer in Jesus Christ. Grew up Baptist. My parents are living, but I did grow up in a single parent household with my younger sister and brother, I’m the oldest of three.
WHAT MODERN DAY BLACK MOMMA IS ALL ABOUT
She keeps going she never gives up. Even when it looks ugly and she knows it. When it looks great, she’s still pushing. The Modern Day Black Momma is the history and modern day struggles and achievements of mothers. It’s not about doing something different. It’s about what we continue to do to move forward. And that is we never give up even when it’s ugly. Particularly black women although all women from all backgrounds can relate to most of our issues. Whether it’s raising children or fulfilling an accomplishment; however, there is a distinct difference between being a woman and being both a woman and a mother. I tried accomplishing that distinction in my poem Modern Day Black Momma. And, I stand on it with my trademark record label Modern Day Black Momma Records.
INSPIRED BY
Great pain! And, a troubled teen. While raising my teenage son, who happened to be a troubled teen at that time, I felt insecure as a mother. I felt like what I had to give was not enough. While I was trying to meet his needs, as a mother, take him to church (we even got baptized together :0)) you know — make sure he had the kind of clothes he wanted, selecting the right schools, prepare him for college, help choose the right friends, explore real life responsibilities and adulthood; all while, I’m really not being heard. My voice was not loud enough. All my sacrifices I made to make my child happy went in one ear out of the other. I was hurting deeply inside. I needed to voice my feelings. I felt like mothers needed to be heard. What about us? When our kids hurt, we hurt too. I was curious to know were there any other women out there with similar issues? Here we are breaking our backs to give our children all we can and some of them just don’t want to listen. I understand that environmental issues definitely play a role in our kids’ growth these days, but sadly, some fall short too soon and eventually led astray by fools in the street. If I could just paint a picture of who a mother really is, how would I describe her? And, that is how Modern Day Black Momma was born.
WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACHIEVE WITH IT?
First I want people to understand who the Modern Day Black Momma is, once we understand her journey — then we can understand the children who become rebellious and grow to become criminals. Very important that people understand that without a doubt in my mind. People need to take a deeper and personal look inside the issues of many mother’s rich and poor, all over the world, while raising children who later become rebellious. When all hell breaks loose, because of a rebellious child, how is the mother’s social life and personal life affected? How does she maintain her sanity and pull through? Especially mother’s who make sacrafices (give up dreams, college, the fast lane, etc.) for their children — to be mothers.
ALBUMS TILL DATE
On May 20, 2009 I published my first album: Gen Eyes Wide is the albums name. Genre: Spoken Word, Self-Help, and Spiritual are how it is categorized. I wrote it to motivate, inspire and esteem our young people, particularly African American male youth between the ages of twelve to twenty-four years old. African American male youth have a higher rate of being imprisoned before the age of thirty in the United States. Gen Eyes Wide was published under my record label Modern Day Black Momma Records.
CHALLENGES
My biggest challenge right now is finding avenues to share the work that I believe God gave me to share in this album. Since my record label is an indie label, the label has to sponsor everything, from administrative expenses to marketing expenses. The label is slowly progressing.
MOST FULFILLING MOMENT ON THIS JOURNEY.
Seeing it realized. I can’t believe it. I actually wrote something I’m proud to share with the world. Had I known this was going to be my journey, I would have began a long time ago. I guess the truth is, I did began the journey, just hadn’t written it until now.
MENTORS
At this time, I have no mentors. I’m learning the ropes on my own. Which is cool with me. It has made me stronger. I do know people I can lean on (celebrities) but the last thing I want is to ask for a hand out. At least that’s how I feel. I just do what I got to do with the gifts and talents God gave me and rest will follow.
GREATEST STRENGTHS THAT HAVE BEEN OF HELP
Getting around fear and rejection are my greatest strengths. When you have a vision planted in your heart from God, you have to face those fears. Fear is one of the reasons some people never get started on a very worthy journey.
SIGNIFICANT LIFE LESSONS LEARNT
Nobody will do your work for you. If you know you got it, use it (your talents, all of them). Can you write? Can you make people laugh? Do you inspire people? Are you good at anything? Whatever you believe in YOU have to make it come true. Don’t wait on anybody to make your dreams come true for you. True, we have to network with other people, but having charisma and confidence will encourage people to believe in your dream too. Just do it and don’t look back.
SUCCESS ESSENTIALS FOR TODAY’S YOUNG WOMEN
Believe in God and have a real relationship with him. Without God you are nothing, regardless of your achievements. Without him or somebody’s prayers and help along the way, you are nothing. Have realistic goals. If you want to be a doctor, plan early. If you want to sing, plan early. If you want to teach plan early. Explore your interest, plan and go for it. Expect to fail at something(s) and get back up. It’s okay to fail and not be great at everything. That says quite a bit about who you are and you grow as a person. Have passion for what you do on a daily basis — without it, I don’t believe you can give your all to your craft. As I said earlier, charisma and confidence is key. As long as you believe in yourself, people will listen and your dreams can become fruition.
BECKONING OF THE FUTURE
Well, right now I’m working on my second album, my first book, due to be released Fall of 2010. A few new monologues from the Gen Eyes Wide album. Lock Down Den is my first monologue that includes actors (no dialogue between the actors). I play the voice. Um, let’s see…hope to produce a few plays as well based on the Gen Eyes Wide album. Do a little acting. You know all the bits and crannies you got to do to get your work out there.
ONE THING YOU KNOW FOR SURE
I’m on the right journey. I know I’ve been called to do the work I’m currently pursuing and that is to help make the world a better place and share the Word of God.
MORE ABOUT YOUR WORK
You can visit my website at: http://www.moderndayblackmomma.com. Full stream audio tracks are online for my fans to listen to. Or, download the MP3 single or album from anyone of these online retailers. http://www.itunes.com/felicebois or www.amazon.com, http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/felicebois, http://www.amazon.com including my website. I also have a fan page on Facebook at http://www.tinyurl.com/felicefanpage.
