Stealing by Stealth
Posted on 19. Oct, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Etiquette
Stealing? Not me! This could be your reaction to the title of this article, but are you stealing by stealth? I have discovered that being light fingered is so rampant in our society that I am inviting readers to give this a thought and share with me their experience on this matter.
This article is not about armed robbery or heavyweight thievery by politicians, this is about you and me. For example, you have in your possession a book which is not yours, it has been on your bookshelf for two years with the owners’ name written on it, the owner hasn’t asked for it and you have not offered to return it. You may have become comfortable having the book in your possession with the passage of time. ‘I didn’t steal it after all and the owner possibly knows that I have it may be your mentality. But does it make it yours? Does it really matter?
Stealing can be defined as ‘taking or keeping what is not your own without the owner’s permission’. It is a practice that no one would readily admit to, after all, it is the 8th commandment and no one wants to feel they are breaking God’s rule. So they adjust the goal post by redefining what constitutes stealing.
Stealing can exist in many different forms – the big, the small or the unnoticeable. For example using someone’s phone without their permission is stealing. It’s as good as stealing the person’s money because the owner will have to pay for the telephone usage. This type of stealing by stealth is so covert and ordinary that you may successfully convince yourself that you have not stolen anything.
Perhaps you are in the habit of claiming someone’s belongings by bravado; it’s still stealing by stealth particularly if the person is unwilling to part with it.
In Nigeria today, our definition of stealing has changed so drastically. Words and phrases like ‘doing the business’, ‘carrying out runs’ or ‘odu’ have replaced the simple and direct words like ‘ole’, ‘barawo’, ‘onyeoshi’ which emphatically speaks of theft. Experiences of friends taking items without permission, books lent out and never returned, pens disappearing from your desk, office stationery being used for personal business are all too common today.
It is also a common occurrence these days that the leftover change from an errand is assumed to belong to the person who has carried out the errand. If you ask for the money, the party who has done the errand gets upset and labels you as mean, harsh, wicked and selfish. But let us examine this case without any sentiments, who does the change rightly belong to? Why has is become a norm not to return leftover change. This is a case of keeping what is not offered to you.
Sometimes people take things that are important to others. Late one Sunday evening, my husband found out he needed a particular edition of the UK Sunday Times that comes out once a year. A friend of his who was at our home said he knew someone that was coming to Lagos within days and he generously placed a call to the United Kingdom to request for her assistance. This lady dashed out of her house in London at about 8pm to look for the newspaper and succeeded in getting one which she delivered to my husband’s friend on her arrival in Lagos. Before this could be passed to my husband, someone else visited the office of my husband’s friend whilst he was out and took the paper without informing him. But for his secretary who was present, it would have been a case of whodunit. My husband did not get his paper even with the international call and the massive effort of the poor lady, just because someone could not look and ignore.
Regardless of how you may convince yourself and your chosen views about taking other people’s property, if it is without permission, it is wrong and it is an act of stealing. It may not matter how close you are to the other party or the fact that you think ‘they may not mind’. Perhaps, contrary to your belief, the other party may actually mind. They may be holding their peace because they are unwilling to embarrass you.
Not too long ago, the African society so radically shunned the act of stealing, meting out stiff punishments to culprits, often with families disowning their own in order to make a statement and as a testament to the accepted cultural values.
Let us ponder on the following guiding points:
1. If you do not have permission to take another person’s belonging, then you may be guilty of stealing even if you don’t realise you have.
2. You may never know how other people perceive you. Perhaps you see your behavior as normal; others may see it as ‘thieving.’
3. A rule of thumb may be to ALWAYS expressly ask before you take or keep anything that doesn’t belong to you and also to return what you borrow.
4. What you do regularly (once a month, or even once in three months) becomes a habit which ultimately becomes a part of your person.
5. Your personality is the sum total of your person. How does your personality affect your career, social life and even reputation in the community?
6. Everything you do has consequences either for bad or for good.
7. Let’s call a spade what it is, stealing is stealing, whether it is outright or by stealth. Refrain!
We all benefit when we do things right!
Writer – Atinuke Badejo, Lagos Finishing School.
Cell Phone Etiquette
Posted on 28. Aug, 2009 by Lounge Lady in Etiquette
Cell phone etiquette is all about being considerate of others in your use of the phone, especially when you are in the public, here are some basic rules you must not be caught breaking.
Inappropriate conversations in public.
When you are in a public place, such as on the bus, in a cab, restrooms, waiting rooms, restaurants, hallways, subways, on a grounded airplane or at the dinner table you should not subject people to your phone conversations. Offer to call the person back, step outside, or find a quiet place where you can talk without disturbing others. No one needs to hear how wasted you were last night, or about your million dollars deal that’s about to click. Arguing or airing dirty laundry in public is very poor cell phone etiquette. Keep your personal conversations personal.
Talk Later, Drive Now!
Multitasking is not always right. Do not dial, receive call, text or read text while driving, you can be shocked how fatal a second of distraction can be. Some researchers have shown that accidents have been on the rise since the invention of cell phone. Calls can wait until you’ve reached your destination, and if you have to receive the call then pull over to have the conversation. Put this in mind, no call or text message is urgent enough to worth your life and the lives of other innocent people you put at risk on the road.
Wrong Number?
When someone mistakenly dials your phone number, you don’t have to be rude and brash. Remember people make mistakes, that doesn’t make them fraudsters. It might just be your turn to dial a wrong number tomorrow, you sure will feel embarrassed if the receiver shouts on you like you can possibly empty her bank account just by hearing her voice! Be polite.
Common Sense Demands!
Put off your phones at funerals, weddings, or anyplace a quiet atmosphere is mandated. Also in places such as a movie theaters, courthouse, library, museum, or place of worship and other public place that needs a quiet atmosphere for the audience. People pay good money to be entertained, and your interruption wasn’t part of the package.
If your phone rings while you are about to make an order or payment at a restaurant step aside if you must receive, it’s really rude to the waiter and other customers on the queue to be answering your phone with one hands and be talking to the waiter at the same time make up your mind if you want the food first or the call first.
Of course you don’t need to be reminded to turn off your phone before a job interview, presentation, or boardroom meeting!
To practice good cell phone etiquette, put the ringer on vibrate or silent mode and let the call roll over to voice mail. If it’s an important call, step outside or to a secluded area to return the call.
Loud Ringtones
No one thinks you are funny, clever or musically savvy when your phone interrupts their thoughts, meetings, transactions etc. with an inappropriate ringtone. It’s better to use inoffensive mild ringtone in public or better still put it on vibrate, or else the joke will turn on you and trust me it won’t look good on you. Ringtone is just an alert that your phone is ringing, it is not the time to hear your favorite hip hop star do his rap, leave that to when you are alone.
Source: Femme Lounge Library
