How To Handle Online Romance

Posted on 01. Aug, 2010 by Lounge Lady in aLL tHe SiNgLe LaDiEs!

In this internet age we live in, online romance has become a valid means through which we can meet our partners, just like meeting them at work, in the club, at church, etc. I know some will say that a lot of such relationships never mature into something serious but does meeting in real life guarantee marriage? Some argue that you cannot love someone you have not seen. I do not agree. We are more than our bodies. Our writings or how we talk about life can give a window into our mind and soul. These are also great for getting to know another human being.

The major advantage of online romance is the privacy, and safety it provides. You don’t need to expose everything about you immediately. Stuff like your telephone number, address, where you work and family details can and should be kept under wraps for a while. It is only when you trust the other person more that you can decide how open to be. Online romance gives you the control, you can decide when and how to reveal any type of information. You can also completely back off at any time, if you feel like something is going wrong or the other person is not who they say they are. Changing your email addresses, or blocking a chat buddy or access to your FB or twitter profile, is much easier than keeping someone out of your physical space.

That said; there are some things to be aware of with online romance. The advantage of privacy in meeting someone online first could become a double-edged sword. This is because it makes it easier to be dishonest online. The person you are chatting with could be a 12 years old, or married, or 42 instead of 22, or a man instead of a woman and vice versa. It is so easy to develop a different persona online, be whoever you want, say whatever and become an overnight superstar. The anonymity and privacy of the internet thereby becomes a tool for deception. A waiter becomes a doctor, 5’1 becomes six feet and CUNY becomes Harvard or Yale. Remember that this cuts both ways. Are you being your real honest self while looking for love online?

The next important part of online romance is communication. What do you guys discuss? Don’t burn phone cards talking about Kim Kardashian or the World Cup. OK, you can do that too. But more important, give each other time to talk about your lives. Ask questions and be as honest as you can. I’m not saying you should interview each other, but a relationship requires true and deep communication. You can talk about your dreams, your achievements and goals, talk about your families, people you admire in your life, your most prized possessions, your strengths and weaknesses, and maybe most importantly, talk about the kind of relationship both of you are looking for. This last will determine what direction your romance goes.

Finally, it boils down to the nitty-gritty. After starting a romance online, there is the temptation to just let it roll along on sweet talk via the phone, chat or email. You cannot live life online and in the same way, any romance that starts and remains solely online for say, one year, is a bit suspicious. The next thing a couple that met online should discuss when they realize that the admiration is mutual is how to meet up. Some say love is spiritual, that is true, but it is also physical. People in an online romance must find ways to balance both sides of the attraction. Apart from the physicality of attraction, meeting face to face also helps determine honesty. Is that really him? Is he really interested in me enough to make the effort?

Once you have met for the first time, you are no different from the next couple who first met in real life. Keep your head up and enjoy your love.

Writer: Myne Whitman is a blogger and the author of A Heart To Mend
Photo Credit: G.I

Breaking Up With The Captain

Posted on 01. Aug, 2010 by Lounge Lady in aLL tHe SiNgLe LaDiEs!

The story you are about to read isn’t strange or unfamiliar to a number of ladies out there.

I happen to be one of them…lol

It begins,

It was a busy Monday afternoon, my phone rings but I tried to ignore it with the number of urgent things I had to do I needed no distractions. The phone continues to ring. I tell myself pick up this phone to cut off the distraction!

I pick up the bloody phone and it’s a stranger’s voice, one I have never heard before. I listen to discern the voice but no, my memory wasn’t jolted. I get curious where did he get my number from, who is he, and what does he want??? The questions go on and on.

Eventually he discloses his identity as a “D”, and he begins to answer all the many questions that came to my mind. He got my number from a sister/friend. For this sole reason I tell myself be polite, so I am. This stranger knows a lot about me already and I barely know him.

This is me being polite: “Can I talk to you later on in the day; I am very busy right now”

For goodness sake guys it’s Monday and we all know how Mondays can be, VERY BUSY.

In a couple of hours, I am able to tick off my long list of TO-DO. Remember I am polite, so I call him back apologizing I couldn’t talk to him earlier when he called. We begin talking and chatting and getting to know. (Girls like someone that can talk well on the phone…well I do) You know all the questions you ask someone you are meeting for the first time, The conversation went well and had to end because I had to get back to work. Did I tell you what I do? Never mind, at least it pays the bills. As I hung up I thought to myself he sounds cool, I can put a face to this voice. Lets take it to the next level.

Finally the end of the day, phew! I am so glad and excited (what’s exciting me? Plus the phone call, don’t blame me been single for a long time)

Two Days After:

This time I am expecting his call, (did I say he called me so many times in the past 2 days) Remember I have decided to put a face to this stranger’s voice, so today is the day we plan to meet.

It’s a Friday; (a day we all look forward to) am dressed today to make an impression. Trust me am looking good. He picks me up after work and surprisingly he is a light skinned guy, “why did I think he was tall dark and handsome anyway he isn’t bad looking and he has bloody PINK LIPS”, I love pink lips.

We go see a movie, “Can’t remember the title of the movie now” we both are already feeling comfy with each other. I think that’s what the cinema theatre does to people.

After the movies we go have dinner at a Chinese restaurant and he bought me cocktail, he has such good memories,” I LOVE COCKTAILS”. We later went to have drinks at a bar, all in one night you say??? I sure had fun.

The outcome of the outing was the decision to date this Capt “D”: “Oh I didn’t tell you he is in the Army” The following days went so well and so sweet to have someone that cared about you. We dined out a number of times and went grocery shopping together, how sweet you say! The days flew so fast and we felt just like we were made for each other, so I thought.

Three Weeks After:

Captain begins to pressurize me for the unforbidden fruit which I have sworn not to give up to any man but my husband. It became a constant tune, every discussion led to the topic which made us have little fights. I stood my ground on my decisions and he kinda came to terms with it. Little did I know that he had other plans! I realized that he stopped calling me, started avoiding me.  All my efforts to see him proved abortive.

On a particular Friday, I decided to hang out with him; called him in the morning to hook up later in the day. The response was positive so I was happy at least. Its close of work; 4:30pm.., 5:00pm…5:30pm and no calls from him. I decide to call, no response.  I would have left 20 missed calls on his phone. Only for him to call at 7:00pm that he is in Ibadan. What a liar!

The next day I decided to go make my hair, expecting my boyfriend from his supposed Ibadan trip. On my way to the salon, driving on a street in Victoria Island. I run into his car, and the first thing I see, his plate number XX…XXX. I am in shock and in doubt of my vision; I choose to confirm this by looking at the driver’s seat low and behold it’s my Captain. In my state of shock I circle the roundabout twice and speed up after him to confirm my fears. He is in the car with another babe, this is 7am oh! (What else do u think off cause she slept over at his house and ….figure it out!)

At this point, I decide to call off the relationship because am furious, my boyfriend lied to me and cheated on me, with no remorse.

Now am back to the lovely single life and learning to be careful, overly cautious and selective of whom I give my ears and heart to, I can’t afford another break up however brief as it maybe it hurts just as much.

Writer: Sholly

Image: G.I